Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on a first date with this girl I've been talking to. I met her and she came with me so I could park my car in the student lot. On the way back, I saw a beat up car with its window duct taped up and exclaimed "Haha! Look at that piece of junk." It was her car. FML
Today, my psycho ex crashed a date with my girlfriend. She acted like we were still together and made a big show of dumping me for cheating on her. My actual girlfriend bought it hook line and sinker. Now I'm single again. FML
Today, I went on a date with a girl that I really like. I picked her up from her house, and as I was pulling out of her driveway, I hit her dad's BMW, knocking off the bumper. FML
Today, I confessed to my girlfriend that I cheated on her. She told me that she needed time to think, and left. An hour later, her dad came by with a baseball bat. FML
Today, I broke up with my psycho girlfriend of one month. She actually expected me to let her keep the vintage car that I've been rebuilding for the past two years, and when I refused, she threatened to burn my garage down with us still in it. FML
Today, I went on a date with the girl of my dreams. Her boyfriend, who she said she'd broken up with, was at the same restaurant with another girl. She screamed at him for ten minutes, then they started making out, and left together. The girl he was with looked at me and said "Eww", then went to hit on another guy. FML
Today, I went on a date with a girl I like. Afterwards, I drove her home, and we just sat there awkwardly. I thought she wanted to kiss me but was nervous, so I jokingly said, "What're you waiting for? Christmas?" I guess she took that as a "Get the hell out", because she broke into tears and left. FML
Today, at age 27, I went to pick up the girl I like for my first ever date. Her brother answered the door with a baseball bat, said the date was off and threatened to smash my kneecaps to pieces if I ever came back. FML
Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML
Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML
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Top comments
SweetAsHell 9
You may not know it, but you two have been going out for years. It's just that most of the time, on your dates, she's hiding in the bushes.
Corrupt_waffles 13
Well now you know why it would have been bad had you actually started consistently dating her. :/
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Comments (132)
mrstriance94 8
Sounds like she's hung up OP. Probably thought one date made her girlfriend material. No matter....maybe she has an awesome sister and they switched places? Ahaha.
Feverrotes 15
Thank god you didn't forget to put quotes around "cheating" or else the people of FML would have buried this FML with a flood of YDI votes by now.
jakethompson 0
Give that crazy bitch a dirt nap
eggmarie 25
Oops hit reply to the wrong comment. Ignore this!
alfred07 18
Thats what you get for cheating (note to all those reading this, I'm joking, I wouldn't put this bit in but I've seen sarcasm marked Dow as if it were sincere before)
wannabesinger 16
Aw you poor thing. You try so hard
missyfiona89 28
Bitches be crazy
trippythehippy 6
Been there, crazy stalker chicks are enough to make you seriously rethink your taste in women...
DollyDope 17
Like don't go after the crazy ones who display warning signs of becoming a stalker?
DollyDope 17
Better your car than your body. Hope you got photo/video evidence, make her pay for the damages.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Don't piss her off, or she'll glue your testicles to your inner thigh and handcuff herself naked to your refrigerator.
captainburke 5
Whoa uhhh, restraining order??
rena333 6
And that's what happens when someone listens to too much of Carrie Underwood