Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend dumped me because his iPod app said I was cheating. FML
Today, my boyfriend became convinced that I cheated on him, and broke up with me, saying he would "get me back." When I came home, I found his key on my counter and my cat missing. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing "we're through fat slob" on my forehead whilst I was asleep in permanent marker. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me. In Walmart. Over the loudspeaker. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend of two years cheating on me. Instead of the usual excuses, he panicked and claimed he was my boyfriend's long-lost twin brother. He even tried to put on a fake accent. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a heated argument. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me. Having been hit by my ex before, I panicked and instinctively kicked his legs out from under him. He then dumped me because he said he was just gonna scare me, but I used real violence on him. FML
Today, I was talking and joking with my boyfriend. He said "Hey wanna hear a joke?" I said "Yes." He said, "Our relationship." and walked away. He seriously dumped me through a one-liner. FML
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend for cheating on me. I refused his calls, so he texted, not to apologize, but to say I'd "left some clothes in his suitcase"; i.e., he stole some of my clothes. When he didn't get the response from me that he was hoping for, he texted, "I'm wearing your shorts." FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. As I was leaving his house, I heard him shout, "Hey! Wait! Sweetie, get back here!" He was talking to his cat who'd run out the door behind me. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by covering my car with post-it notes that read "it's you not me." FML
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Top comments
jack10001 9
Your username says it all!
unknown_user5566 27
There once was an OP who lived in a shoe. Her boyfriend said she cheated, and gave her the boot. Little did she know, she was dating Dr. Suess, And shouldn't give a damn about losing her boo.
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Comments (99)
simoncat 11
Great. You're dating a five year old. Move on. Fast!
austinpenrod19 6
Sounds like a blessing. I'm sorry he broke up with you but if he's saying 'cheater cheater, pumpkin eater' and 'liar liar, pants on fire' as a grown man and refuses to talk to you about it then he's obviously too immature and not worth your time
caitiebug1119 15
Lucky for you, you dodged a bullet with that one. It sounds like you were dating an eight year old.
thatageguy 1
AWESOME
ElleYW 10
How old is he, 5?
tom526 10
He did you a favor. You're better off without him.
piperbaby 3
I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that you're better off
skyeyez9 25
Sounds like it could be the guy who took his date to mcdonalds and brought his father as a chaperone.
panda_lou 11
Me thinks he was just coming up with an excuse to get rid of you because just like his phrases he is immature and childish. You should be thanking your lucky stars you dodged that bullet.
suboy 10
And how old is he??