Today, I went to the mall with my girlfriend to buy some new clothes, and I turned around to give her a quick kiss. My lips were half-way to "her" face when I saw instead the face of another lady. She slapped me. My girlfriend was standing next to me, very pissed off. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at the mall with my friend when I saw my boyfriend in Victoria's Secret - with another girl. They were joking and laughing, and I was really pissed off. So I stormed into the store and slapped him. He looked up at me with an angry and confused expression. It wasn't my boyfriend. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML
Today, I was walking through Target when I was pulled aside by a very attractive girl who began kissing me. She stopped, because I wasn't who she thought I was. Disappointed, I turned around to see her very angry, very large boyfriend behind me. FML
Today, I asked my wife for a kiss. She snarled, "I'm your WIFE, just fucking kiss me! You don't have to ask!" Later, I went in for a kiss and she slapped me, then yelled that it was my fault for "getting in her face." FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
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Top comments
NStarB 13
Well, it's not easy to please two women
xSkittle 16
Why was she pissed off? She saw it was an accident.
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Comments (83)
WompWompWomp123 7
I don't see why your girlfriend shouldn't find this hilarious after you explained what happened. You did explain, right? If she was still angry afterwards, she's got issues.
DocBastard 40
Congratulations - you identified two Humourless Bitches. They're a very rare breed of bitch, and finding two at once is even rarer.
SMHsohard 22
Actually, they're becoming more commonplace. I for one am getting tired of their primary defense, which is to slap someone across the face when they feel offended.
AnOriginalName 19
Did your girlfriend then "accidentally" grope the wrong guy while you were waiting behind her in the checkout line?
perdix 31
#14, perhaps by putting her hand down his pants? Now, there's two references to recent FML's! I had the audacity to one-up your story . . .three!
AnOriginalName 19
And then during the make-sex, did he cover her mouth to shut her up right before she came? Maybe that was a bit of a stretch. I guess you win, #19. This time, anyways.
perdix 31
#22, no, that was pretty good. After the sex, he realized his Trojan had split so he threw up in her purse! There's 5 and 6 :D
mFUNdo21 17
or did you not have sex with her when she suggestively asked you to take a shower with her?
SomeRandomGuy15 18
No, because her niece tends to hide in the shower and scream "I SAW YOUR BOOBS!" When she comes in.
TheDrifter 24
Still better than her 14 year old brother that grabs onto the boobs and won't let them go.
MissCharlotte_fml 26
At least her cousin didnt get jealous when he didnt get to see her boobs.
dinagdotphoto 13
This is probably the same girlfriend that won't give get bf the bone marrow. The bitch.
MikaykayUnicorn 36
#55-she was the wrong match. and giving/receiving bone marrow hurts. she was probably scared, and her reaction just slipped.
ClaireWinchester 17
A slap seems like an overreaction for an innocent mistake.... Just double check it's really your girlfriend next time!
papabear88 6
now that's bad aiming
perdix 31
You ought to be shopping for new glasses instead.
starile 20
That's a good way to get the gf to chillax.
perdix 31
#71, hey, I submitted my definition of "chillax" to Urban Dictionary. I am asking for your support --- please vote for it. And get all your friends to, as well. Thanks.
martin8337 36
Look before you leap (or kiss).
martin8337 36
Sounds like a jealous psycho bitch.
Zynris 10
What's there to be pissed about? He made a MISTAKE.
RedPillSucks 33
For payback, did she rub up on some woman's chest while in the checkout line?