Today, a guy asked for my number at the grocery store, but I politely told him I wasn't interested. He followed me home and took a shit on my doorstep. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the man who hit on me in a store and asked for my number showed up on my doorstep to inquire about my couch for sale. With his wife. FML
Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML
Today, I asked a cute guy for his number but instead he gave it to my gay friend. When my friend later called him, it turned out that he'd given him his number just to get rid of me and wasn't expecting him to call. FML
Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML
Today, I met a really cute guy at work. He asked for my number, and I wrote it down on a piece of paper. After looking at the paper, he crumpled it up, yelled "Do you think I'm stupid? I know the rejection hotline when I see it", and walked away. It was my real phone number. FML
Today, I was getting catcalled downtown by a guy I've never seen before. Then he told me he knows where I live, and accurately described my apartment while he followed me for 2 blocks. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, at work, a customer asked for my number. When I declined, he made a huge scene, shouting and scaring other customers. He tipped me seven cents. FML
Today, I had a very good-looking guy ask for my number while I was at work, but due to our policies I had to turn him down. FML
Today, while working at my truck stop, I helped a trucker check his tires. He seemed like a pretty nice guy, and we chatted for a bit. After he took off and I walked back inside, I went to clean the shower he was in before. Turns out he took a shit on the floor. His wife had been in there with him. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
He wasn't able to go out with you but he was still able to dump you.
SharnaaaBanana 22
That's disgusting. Who does that.
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Comments (131)
pdp_fml 21
That is a horrible situation to be in. I would try to report him to the cops as son as I could. This man could be a stalker.
kl08 12
will this be illustrated? hope u got pics!
SunTzu2 9
That's awful!! It gives being "Pissed off" a whole new meaning
vlalam 24
Is that even legal? M loosing faith on humanity and no wonder we keep talking abt apocalypse
CoolCookie210 22
Should have given him your number and then blocked him. I would have, but I'm so desperate I would have gone out with him anyway
kingdomgirl94 29
According to FML you also appear to be a guy. Situations like this are terrifying; he could have done a lot more than shit on her doorstep.
monster_tamer 11
You NEVER give someone your number if you don't want them to find a way to contact you. Ever. People regularly use their phone numbers for online accounts, such as facebook and google. There are online resources for tracing a person's phone number to find out who owns it and/or where they live. The idea that you can just give it to them and then block it is so stupidly naive of you to say, and some of the worst advice I've seen on here. Not to mention that they can use other peoples' phones to contact you-- or, if they're feeling especially vindictive, post your number online and get people to prank call/try to trace you. There are places that will do that just for ***** and giggles, though you've done nothing wrong. What you SHOULD do is give a fake number. If you know the number for your local pizza place or some other similar place of service, give the first six digits and make the seventh a random one.
Witchylady 18
Hilarious and disgusting all in the one sentence. I hope you tossed it back at him. With your shoe not your hand.
Enslaved 38
Ugh! What did he use to wipe? I just picture him roaming around with shit stuck between his butt checks. :P
2ru 14
He was marking his territory. Seriously that is crazy as hell.
patrickalamo 48
Ahhhh, your first stalker... What a special time...
signalbeats 11
is this guy a dog or something?