Today, a guy asked for my number at the grocery store, but I politely told him I wasn't interested. He followed me home and took a shit on my doorstep. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the man who hit on me in a store and asked for my number showed up on my doorstep to inquire about my couch for sale. With his wife. FML
Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML
Today, I asked a cute guy for his number but instead he gave it to my gay friend. When my friend later called him, it turned out that he'd given him his number just to get rid of me and wasn't expecting him to call. FML
Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML
Today, I met a really cute guy at work. He asked for my number, and I wrote it down on a piece of paper. After looking at the paper, he crumpled it up, yelled "Do you think I'm stupid? I know the rejection hotline when I see it", and walked away. It was my real phone number. FML
Today, I was getting catcalled downtown by a guy I've never seen before. Then he told me he knows where I live, and accurately described my apartment while he followed me for 2 blocks. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, at work, a customer asked for my number. When I declined, he made a huge scene, shouting and scaring other customers. He tipped me seven cents. FML
Today, I had a very good-looking guy ask for my number while I was at work, but due to our policies I had to turn him down. FML
Today, while working at my truck stop, I helped a trucker check his tires. He seemed like a pretty nice guy, and we chatted for a bit. After he took off and I walked back inside, I went to clean the shower he was in before. Turns out he took a shit on the floor. His wife had been in there with him. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
He wasn't able to go out with you but he was still able to dump you.
SharnaaaBanana 22
That's disgusting. Who does that.
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Comments (131)
nowNlaterKid 6
That's the funniest thing I've read all day. Thank you for that one
NamelessFace 22
WTF did I just read
haphazardly 15
No wonder the bastard's single
Addiction333 14
This man sounds bad ass.
amazed_71 14
Quite frankly, you're lucky that's all he did. Imagine if a rapist and/or murderer followed you home. Please be more attentive.
shannon2348 14
Good god. Where the hell do you live?