Today, my husband and I locked our keys in the car. Our only spare is in the drawer with all our sex toys. So we either had to get our oldest go in the drawer and get them to bring to us or walk the 12 miles home. My feet will never recover from that walk. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I locked myself out of my car. While walking home to retrieve the spare, I realized I locked my house keys inside the house this morning. Now I must decide whether to break into my house or car. FML
Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML
Today, I locked my keys in my car. After looking for the spare key for hours, we called our insurance company, who then sent a "locksmith" with a wedge and a bar to open my car. All he did was break the driver and passenger doorhandles. My stuff is still inside. FML
Today, I got a flat tire. The spare was also flat, so I had no other choice but to walk home. I got to my house and realized I'd left the front door key and garage clicker in my car 5 miles away. FML
Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML
Today, I locked my keys in my car. Good thing I went to Lowe's to make spares, which are also now locked in the car. FML
Today, I was driving back from school 100 miles away from my home with my fiancé and dog. While stopping for gas, we accidentally left our car keys and cell phones in the car. The dog sat on one of the keys and engaged the locks. We were locked out of the car until the tow truck arrived. FML
Today, I woke up extremely hungover. I couldn't find my car keys so I went out to my car to see if I had locked them inside. I walked back to the door of my apartment barefoot and empty handed, only to find that I had locked myself out of the apartment. FML
Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML
Today, after locking my keys in the car and waiting three hours for my mom to bring me my spare, I reached into my bag only to find my keys. FML
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Top comments
1DisGR8 32
Okay that sucks but did you really have to put the spare in a sex toy drawer? Shouldn't you have put it somewhere more accessible?
omgbrainZ_fml 24
maybe ask a friend for a ride home :)
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Comments (123)
omgbrainZ_fml 24
maybe ask a friend for a ride home :)
stingray112 24
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Seriously your feet will never recover from a 12 mile walk? That's not that far bruh
ChibiChibi_fml 28
Distance doesn't matter if you are in bad shoes for the given terrain, or if you are just in bad shoes.
tantanpanda 26
uh, that IS far. If you walked at 3 mph, it would take 4 hours TO GET HOME, making the round trip 8 hours.
Winterborn253 7
If the shoes were that bad I believe a cab ride might be in order.
Recon13x 9
seriously op didn't think of a cab?
wildnargles 15
Do you know how impossible it is to get a cab in California?
Nessco 36
I would have walked too. Brings a whole new definition to the 'walk of shame'.
1DisGR8 32
Okay that sucks but did you really have to put the spare in a sex toy drawer? Shouldn't you have put it somewhere more accessible?
leogachi 15
@2 That's what I was thinking. This FML doesn't seem real. And like someone else said, they could have taken a taxi or bus. I just don't buy it.
LilMissCanadian 22
I agree, I don't understand why a sex toy drawer out of all places.
chrisbeaudoin 26
Whats with all the fml's today everyone deserves it.
anoniemm 13
Might've been a key that vibrates when you click it... In that case it was sorted accordingly
inutaru 14
What's the best place to hide your car keys so your kid doesn't go for a joyride?
phreaker913 21
roleplay a blacksmith fetish?
mazor 22
Sex drawer is very accesible though
besosforme 26
(Didn't realize this was going to be a duplicate comment of one below. Nothing to see over here...!)
cocofan187 8
The sex drawer needs to be easily accessible. Duh
george_s_4 32
Where's the one place a kid wouldn't dare to go looking for stuff...
WOTAN1488 24
Who puts spare keys in a drawer of sex toys?!
BiGTiMeNeRD 29
It's right next to the handcuff keys.
jackrayman 8
Omg lol
lurker_no_more 13
umm, if the child is old enough to bring the keys to you then it is probably old enough to handle some sex toys. I don't see the big deal.
lexa1love 16
Completely agree. I'm assuming the child is old enough to drive. Yes it would be awkward, but it can be dangerous to walk on very busy or deserted streets. I would have called them.
lulinator 40
He/she may be able to handle seeing them. But would you really want to know what your parents do and use behind closed doors? I would not.
BBeffedmylife 28
I don't thing age is much of a factor here. I never want to see my mother's "toys" ever again. I was an adult when I saw them on accident and years later, I'm still scarred.
addisonrose12 16
I guess it all depends on special factors. I'd NEVER want to see something like that, but I'd do it for my mom because she has bad feet problems (bunions, plate and screws, arthritis, etc). She walks a lot anyways (not 12 miles of course), but if it kept her from pain, I'd do it.
lvg_fml 10
You're a good child
kqwarrior 15
That's gross. Do you know where it's been? That would also kind of ruin my whole childhood.
GingerFace09 13
Do you know where you come from? You've touched your mamma there before....even if you don't remember it. Yeah, it's your mom and kinda weird. But you're not very good to your parents if you won't go through that to save them from a 12 mile walk.
PePziNL 20
Just tell the kid it's in that and that drawer, without mentioning sex toys. Trust me, he or she isn't going to bring it up, ever.
tomvertigo 17
There is also a massive difference between your non-sexual birth and sifting through your moms used anal beads and dads **** ring. And lets not leqve out Rodger The Strap-On for Strap-On Sundays.
tanman230 10
lmao I found my mom's "special" drawer when I was like 10 and I thought it was hilarious. nothing to freak out about.
TheBitchSlayer 12
I guess the walk home wasn't very sexy
kittyisbaeornaw 18
Or you could take a bus...?
ThePandoricaOpen 18
Bus service might not have been available in that area.
ShannonBitt 29
There's a good chance they weren't stuck in the city (or anywhere there happens to be buses running). Although I think calling a taxi would be a valid option in many places as long as it wasn't in the middle of the night.
Weasely 11
.
Googolman 29
Well, if those sex toys are involved, you wouldn't be able to walk for an entirely different reason.
rdenkewicz 11
Do you use your spare keys as a sex toy?
ally8 21
Depends how old the oldest is... And how were they were going to get it to you anyway
sillygirl247 14
You're a good parent ?
MRSwick2525 23
Why would you say they aren't good parents? Because they have a sext toy drawer? Because they seem to have a healthy sex life!?!?! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, at all. The only thing that they did wrong was to put the spare house keys in that drawer. And that does NOT make them bad parents!!!
MRSwick2525 23
Why would you say they aren't good parents? Because they have a sext toy drawer? Because they seem to have a healthy sex life!?!?! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, at all. The only thing that they did wrong was to put the spare house keys in that drawer. And that does NOT make them bad parents!!!
ShannonBitt 29
I don't think #11 was necessarily calling them bad parents. They were probably saying they're good parents in a way because they chose to walk instead of scarring their child by making them go into their sex toy drawer.
dafluckster 6
Who said they were bad parents? Because of the toys or anything else? Calm down.