Today, I’ve been violently ill with diarrhea, and have been for past three days. I finally discovered why. It's because I ate a piece of candy off the recently-cleaned floor last week. My immune system is so weak, it can’t respect the 5-second rule. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML
Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML
Today, after several days of deep-cleaning my house, I found a huge section of my room covered in black mold. I almost puked when I saw it. Not only could that have put anyone in the hospital, but it also explains why I've been getting sick all the time as of late. FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
Today, after years of my very poor diet finally resulted in a long overdue health scare, I declared I must try to live healthier. Also today, I was reminded of my hypersensitive gag reflex (I'm autistic), which causes my body to vehemently protest the consumption of a variety of healthy foods. This sucks. FML
Today, I woke 2 hours before my alarm was supposed to go off, feeling incredibly sick. I then ran downstairs and had diarrhea while I threw up. I spent Valentine's Day having diarrhea every time I coughed or sneezed. FML
Today, I was on holiday over the Christmas period and ended up with food poisoning. I spent most of the time on the toilet. I think I’ll stay home next time. FML
Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML
Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
Today, I have been on the toilet all day due to chocolate laxatives from trick-or-treating. Today, it is my birthday. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
The Five-Second Rule is not medical science. It’s a fake “rule” made up by lazy, dirty gluttons. Or so I’ve heard...
Mathalamus 25
Don't eat anything dropped to the floor. Even recently cLeaned floods can still have cleaning chemicals.
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Comments (15)
RichardPencil 32
The Five-Second Rule is not medical science. It’s a fake “rule” made up by lazy, dirty gluttons. Or so I’ve heard...
Mathalamus 25
Don't eat anything dropped to the floor. Even recently cLeaned floods can still have cleaning chemicals.
jbuckets_404 39
Actually, Ivory bar soap leaves no residue behind whatsoever. It's what my eye doctor recommends for washing one's hands before handling contact lenses. It works well, but have never tried to eat a soap-washed piece of candy. Let us know how it tastes! ;-)
alycion 39
If you know you have a weakened immune system, wtf were you thinking? I hate having to be a germaphobe from it, but that’s the new normal with weakened immune systems or those that don’t function right.
Elizabeth Burley 22
That sucks OP, Im sorry. I know what its like. I have severe Crohns disease and as an autoimmune disease mine is bad. I'm between treatments right now so my immune system is shot dead. My boyfriend kissed me when he thought he only had allergies and I became sick with the flu for a month 😐 Just go by the zero second rule and you'll be fine!
bl3ur0z3 17
You ate candy off the floor. What are you, 6? Germs don't count to five Mississippi before attaching to whatever comes in contact with them.
Rsonicgamer 12
Actually, unless you lick feces directly, you could lick the floor and the likeliness of you catching some harmful germ would still be pretty low. I wouldn't go around eating on the floor, but that religious belief that the floor is a contaminated zone baffles me. To put it in your own terms, you do know that germs don't respect the microscopic stop signs before climbing on tables ? Or your legs ? That the most contaminated place in your home is somewhere between the bed and the kitchen sink (the worst being whatever you use to dry your hands... After supposedly washing them)
BigSissy 14
Maybe it was Exlax, not candy!
Sinshine 28
How do you find that out after 3 days? Did you take a pap smear before eating it and just got back the results?
Yudith 28
Recently cleaned floor! There's the mistake! You didn't have time to wipe off the cleaning product residue with your feet! Maybe you need safer cleaning products and to eat more bacteria. Try Bio-K and yogurt.
Shah Rozz 5
Well I'd say concern a doctor's advice. A waek immune system means a lot of health issues. But tbh dihearrea isn't worth saying FML. People are going through worse