Today, my teacher reached over to hand me a paper. I thought it would be funny to flinch and say, "Dad, please don't hit me". Unfortunately, he didn't think it was a joke, so I got questioned by the on-campus officer. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was teaching and a boy sitting in front kept laughing and smiling, even after I asked him to cut it out. I got so annoyed that I jokingly said I'd knock his teeth out, and asked him to leave the class. The kid went to the principal and told him I intended to hurt him. I'm a college professor. FML
Today, I was in sociology class and I raised my hand to ask a question, not realizing that the professor was right behind me. I smacked him right in the face, no doubt reducing my chances of a good grade. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to scare my dad for once, since he has scared me for fun dozens of times. It would have been funny, had he not punched me in the face. FML
Today, while in class, my friend would not stop annoying me by tapping me on the shoulder every so often. After the fifth time, I lost my patience, told him to F off, and slapped his hand. Only it wasn't my friend tapping my shoulder this time, it was my teacher. FML
Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML
Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML
Today, I finally stood up for myself and beat the crap out of a bully at school, as my father told me to do. The kid and I were called to the principal's office, along with our parents. Inside my father's smirk faded when he saw that the kid's mom was his boss. FML
Today, my dad had fun embarrassing me as much as possible in my parent-teacher conference by moaning whenever the teacher talked. FML
Today, my dad walked into my school and joked around saying that he's going to shoot my boyfriend. We all laughed. Except my boyfriend. He was sobbing in a corner. FML
Today, my friend was picking on me at school by constantly tapping on my shoulder. At recess I had enough. I felt the familiar tap on my shoulder, and I drove my elbow into what I thought was my friend's stomach. It was my Principal. FML
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Top comments
EverestMelting 23
That's a great way to open an investigation on your household. Good job OP.
djurmel89 30
Oh you totally deserve this. But nice to know your school reacts and questions you right away.
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Comments (53)
IWishIWasObama 12
Abuse jokes, gotta love em
LeopardRose_fml 16
That is a horrible joke, why would you even?
CoolCookie210 22
That's not even remotely funny.... Shame on you for joking about domestic abuse when there are so many real cases out there
i8cake 12
Attention hog + bragging about it on fml... Stay Classy my friend!
CoolKidLizzy 12
Child abuse.... Fuuuun.... (Please note sarcasm)
kddjch 7
You are an idiot
Callmeseansaur 9
Because child abuse is so hilarious. I'm just glad your school has the proper procedures in place to deal with something like that if it actually does happen.
russfml 31
You can't cure stupid and a lot of other things in your case OP
TisAPenguin 16
What the hell? You can really get your dad in trouble playing stupid games like that. Not to mention you just made a mockery of anyone who's ever actually been abused at home. What an ass.
o76923 8
Ha ha, you made it more difficult for genuinely abused kids to gather the courage to come forward or be taken seriously when they do. That's hilarious. No wait, the other thing. That's appalling.