Today, my mom accused me of stealing money from her purse. Being totally innocent, I reminded her that the only other person with access to it is her boyfriend. She said she trusts him because she loves him. They've been dating for two months. I've been her daughter for 25 years. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I slipped money into my mother's purse after she refused to let me pay for lunch. She caught me in the act and thought I was stealing money from her instead. FML
Today, my mom accused me of stealing $350 from her. She didn't accuse my unemployed brother, who just bought a brand new iPhone. Even after he confessed to her, she thought he was covering for me. My brother has a criminal record for theft. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML
Today, I discovered that the reason my mom hasn't been noticing the extra cleaning I've done lately is because her boyfriend took credit when she asked about it; and was rewarded for it in bed. I helped him get with my mom. FML
Today, I witnessed my mother-in-law reach into my wife's purse and practically empty it out into her pocket. When I confronted her and called my wife into the room, both of them accused me of lying through my teeth, because I've always hated her. FML
Today, I discovered my own mother has been stealing money from me for months when I opened my savings box to find it empty. FML
Today, my mom stole my holiday money because she found it “near her bag” in my kitchen and “assumed it was hers” and she must have “forgotten it was in there all this time.” I demanded it back, but she’d already spent it on hair, nails, shoes, and a date night with dad. She won’t pay me back either. FML
Today, my grandma calls me, accusing me of theft. I was home all day and watching Orange Is The New Black. When I asked what I stole, she said her car keys. I don’t even have my license. I told her to look in her purse. She found them. FML
Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML
Today, my mother "borrowed" money from my stash to help pay for her vacation to the Dominican Republic. The same trip I'm not allowed to go on. FML
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Top comments
laya_fml 26
Your mother trusts her boyfriend because she loves him, but she doesn't trust you. It kind of sounds like your mom just told you that she doesn't love you.
misspulkadot24 17
Some people fall head over heels in love. Or just fall on their heads in love. And crack their ******* skulls...in love. Either way.
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Comments (99)
cougar41 8
Your mother needs to wake the *** up and realize mr perfect has sticky fingers . Thieving bastard
jarrettd 27
Turn around and never go back.
60cent 7
Your mom will know who to trust soon. Just be patient OP
limitedition 25
Sorry OP. Some women are such idiots when they are "in love".
bettyboop428 24
When the lines end with the same word, you would look at the previous word to rhyme. In this case, accuse and lose. Although they don't really flow, they do technically rhyme.
DanielleinDC 34
Wow, mother of the year, that one. Maybe stay away from her until her boyfriend steals again or she dumps his thieving ass. Heck, maybe stay away from her even after that because she'll find another lowlife who'll steal from her and frame you.
SamCat 21
Damn OP, my aunt did the same to my cousins. Her bf stole all her jewels while she was on vacation. She actually kicked both 17 & 21 yr old daughters out of her home because he claimed they robbed him too. Now she lives all alone and no one even talks to her.
Virgyl 4
Is she implying that she doesn't love you?
MrPortalFan 21
Jeez, that's like saying she doesn't love you.
CougeeSwagg 19
Bitch!