Today, my mom accused me of stealing $350 from her. She didn't accuse my unemployed brother, who just bought a brand new iPhone. Even after he confessed to her, she thought he was covering for me. My brother has a criminal record for theft. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom accused me of stealing money from her purse. Being totally innocent, I reminded her that the only other person with access to it is her boyfriend. She said she trusts him because she loves him. They've been dating for two months. I've been her daughter for 25 years. FML
Today, my brother robbed someone. The victim spoke with me and said that if his $1500 was paid back, he wouldn’t press charges. After I gave him the money, I questioned my brother until he admitted doing it. He only took $200. FML
Today, I caught my sister taking money from my wallet. When I confronted her, she claimed that she was actually putting back money that she had stolen earlier. She doesn't understand the irony. FML
Today, I slipped money into my mother's purse after she refused to let me pay for lunch. She caught me in the act and thought I was stealing money from her instead. FML
Today, my brother finally paid me the $60 he owed me. I later found out that he'd stolen those $60 from my wallet. FML
Today, I found out my junkie brother broke into my home, and stole mine AND my children's belongings whilst we were on holiday. I rang my mother to vent, only for her to blatantly defend him and insist I got it wrong. We caught him on camera, and now I'm being scolded for even thinking he would do such a thing. FML
Today, I found out that my brother has been stealing money from me for the past five months. FML
Today, my grandma calls me, accusing me of theft. I was home all day and watching Orange Is The New Black. When I asked what I stole, she said her car keys. I don’t even have my license. I told her to look in her purse. She found them. FML
Today, after my aunt died and left me everything, I found my heroin addict brother searching my house, demanding his share of the money. He thought I had it in cash, so I called the cops. Now our mom is mad at me because a good brother would have given him something. FML
Today, my 19-year-old brother broke into my dorm and robbed me. When I tried to file a report, my brother went to my parents and told them that he took it because I owed him money on a bet. Guess who lost $92.50. FML
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Top comments
tounces7 28
Not unusual for the Golden Child to end up being the criminal, since they think they can do no wrong.
acmariner99 25
Guess we know who’s the favorite.
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Comments (8)
tounces7 28
Not unusual for the Golden Child to end up being the criminal, since they think they can do no wrong.
acmariner99 25
Guess we know who’s the favorite.
RichardPencil 32
Nice try. Yes, but a brand new iPhone costs $1000. He must have stole that money from a different victim at the same time you fleeced your mom. A-ha!!!
jbuckets_404 39
New iPhone 7 @ Best Buy: $300; just sayin'....
RichardPencil 32
Man, that phone came out during the Obama Administration! How can you call a phone from that bygone era “brand new?”
AddictgirL 7
brand new doesn't mean brand new on the market
jbuckets_404 39
"Mom always did like you best!" --Smothers Brothers
Adriaansbekkie 2
guess who is the black sheep