Today, I checked the camera I set up to find out who has been stealing my prescription painkillers: my wife, my daughter, or my son. Turns out they all are. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML
Today, I figured out why I have been feeling so drowsy and lethargic for the past week. My daughter had been slipping sleeping pills into my coffee as payback for taking her phone away. FML
Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML
Today, my daughter wanted to show me the tooth she had just lost. As I was in a rush to leave for work, I quickly picked up and swallowed my pill that was on the kitchen table. It was only until I looked back down at the table did I see not only my pill, but one extremely angry daughter glaring at me. FML
Today, my asshole uncle stole the painkillers I was prescribed after my surgery. To top it all off, the pharmacy called CPS on my mom when she attempted to replace them because they thought she was lying, so they're going to be investigating. FML
Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML
Today, I was installing wireless surveillance cameras outside my workplace. Before mounting them, I pointed them around the building to make sure there was a good signal and picture. I got inside to the monitor just in time to see a kid steal one of the cameras. FML
Today, I ordered a surveillance camera for my home. The package got stolen after being delivered. I think they're onto me. FML
Today, I found my car had been robbed. The thieves stole my GPS, my iPod and my digital camera. While I was filing the police report, the officer recommended I take photos for insurance purposes. Then she remembered my camera had been stolen. She actually started laughing. FML
Today, a "friend" tried to sell me a digital camera that I recognized that was stolen from my home a week earlier, along with a few other things. FML
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Top comments
WCARlover 35
Wow, looks like you could start up a family drug business!
NickCassell 2
Can I has some? :D
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Comments (204)
Lenho 26
YDI for leaving the pills for your family to easily find them.
Pendragon525 0
He should lock them up away from his kids...but he should be able to trust his wife. It sucks that he can't.
man_in_black08 28
ooh looks like uve had some major losses from someone close.. i understand.:(
neotwinky 0
Bad news is your loseing your meds. Good news, everyone should b happy =)
SnowFlakeInAK 7
I'm in OPs shoes. Friends and family steal mine because I get high miligramage hard core pain meds. After catching them in the act I decided to bolt a safe to the floor in my closet, now nobody but me can get to my pain meds! OP... LOVE the user name! I LOL'd :)
TheJawsman 18
Ok, *uck all you people who think he didn't do a good enough job hiding them. Obviously he thought he could trust his family...I mean if you can't trust your wife who can you trust? Now it turns out that he can't trust any of them. Maybe they are selling, maybe they are using...who knows. There's a big illegal market for prescription painkillers. Time to start locking up your stash, op.
vbmg152 19
All you people that think this is funny, don't live in severe pain 24 hours a day! I do! I'm lucky I can trust my family but OP can't! He probably is hiding them better now! Good luck OP and hide your meds!
bballforward33 10
Haha shit dude calm the **** down. We get it, you get high. Nobody cares
Pendragon525 0
Looks like we're in the same boat. And we're not getting high. I wish I got some enjoyment from them, all people who really need them get is a little relief $ a lot of side effects. I don't know what's causing your pain, but I hope you have some relief in the future.
Pendragon525 0
Edit: should be & instead of $. Sorry about that. My autocorrect is also randomly trying to change "pain" into "Palin." lol
kingkaid 4
Always keep your "Palin-killers" out of reach of your children. That shit could be dangerous.
Pendragon525 0
156: Absolutely. Those "Palin pills" have some bad side effects...like having hallucinations that you can see Russia from your house. ;-)
ChibiChibi_fml 28
I am a sufferer of constant agonizing pain and I still find this FML a bit funny. I acknowledge that it sucks for the OP to be losing his pain meds and that he can't trust his family but still, to find out it's all of them is funny. That is the absolute last thing anyone would expect. As I said in an earlier post I have had my meds stolen from me before so this is not just me laughing from a safe distance.
captainbj2 0
Isn't that the same thing?
hyden121 2
Replace it with powdered X-Lax
spinster_fml 1
You are far nicer than I am. I would have called the police by now and had them all arrested. It's jerks like that that keep those who truly need medication from getting the help they need. I'm assuming that you need the medication, and, ultimately, this is causing you difficulty. You don't need any of them. Sometimes love is not enough.
Pendragon525 0
ITA 97. If they know he's suffering, and they are taking away his means of relief, they are cold-hearted and selfish. That's like replacing someone's nausea meds with mustard $ water.
lolcrazylol 0
You need a safe...
BoredBrunette 7
What nuts do you have? -.- Jokes. Lol that sounds INTENSE. Good luck! :D