Today, I checked the camera I set up to find out who has been stealing my prescription painkillers: my wife, my daughter, or my son. Turns out they all are. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML
Today, I figured out why I have been feeling so drowsy and lethargic for the past week. My daughter had been slipping sleeping pills into my coffee as payback for taking her phone away. FML
Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML
Today, my daughter wanted to show me the tooth she had just lost. As I was in a rush to leave for work, I quickly picked up and swallowed my pill that was on the kitchen table. It was only until I looked back down at the table did I see not only my pill, but one extremely angry daughter glaring at me. FML
Today, my asshole uncle stole the painkillers I was prescribed after my surgery. To top it all off, the pharmacy called CPS on my mom when she attempted to replace them because they thought she was lying, so they're going to be investigating. FML
Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML
Today, I was installing wireless surveillance cameras outside my workplace. Before mounting them, I pointed them around the building to make sure there was a good signal and picture. I got inside to the monitor just in time to see a kid steal one of the cameras. FML
Today, I ordered a surveillance camera for my home. The package got stolen after being delivered. I think they're onto me. FML
Today, I found my car had been robbed. The thieves stole my GPS, my iPod and my digital camera. While I was filing the police report, the officer recommended I take photos for insurance purposes. Then she remembered my camera had been stolen. She actually started laughing. FML
Today, a "friend" tried to sell me a digital camera that I recognized that was stolen from my home a week earlier, along with a few other things. FML
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Top comments
WCARlover 35
Wow, looks like you could start up a family drug business!
NickCassell 2
Can I has some? :D
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Comments (204)
hannahmorgan06 7
hahaha next time you should hide them.
TheOmen46 1
Hawt
loah 0
taking the perks and running. I guess it's 3 against 1 now.
hockey199813 5
What does op mean?
THE_A_TEEN 28
Orion's penis
12vballchick12 5
Original poster
rayrayray23 1
Wtf?????
seeb49 7
Oreo ****.
False_Stupidity 42
Overproof, as in OP Rum! ... Mmmmm, think I'll go have some now!
starwarsguy330 0
oversized penis
TheOmen46 1
Obtuse Piss-idiot
hobojones 0
Sit them down in front of the t.v and say you want to show them something, hook thr camera up to your t.v, then put tue video up
Hald 10
Is this so they can live with you, always complaining about pain?
MarioDragon 14
Aha that's terrible but funny in a twisted sort of way
rjonesy1992 0
Put laxitive pills in there instead.
leadman1989 16
Great minds think a like. A little filing here and there, some food coloring and boom a new prescription of super premo sedatives.
leadman1989 16
The real question is do they know that each other are stealing it? Son - mom what are you doing? Mom - Oh umm well I was just Son YOU'RE stealing them aren't you? I won't tell if you don't and I want a new phone >:)
leadman1989 16
Ok so the joke was bad but it is an extra FML if they all knew.
Pendragon525 0
ITA with 99. Especially bad if the kids are minors & mom knows.
leadman1989 16
ITA? What does that stand for? srry if that's a noobish question.
Pendragon525 0
144: "ITA" means "I totally agree." By the way, I love the icon! "Futurama" is one of my all-time favorite shows.
leadman1989 16
Me too, I love Bender! :D
Thejinks 0
Haha I take my dad's all the time! You guys get the good stuff :)
buttercup_mcm 0
O wow!
j_cat187 20
Well it is fun. Don't be pissed
DocBastard 40
It is...what? Don't be...what??? You expect him NOT to be pissed that his entire family is stealing his prescription medication that he obviously needs, just so they can have some fun at his expense? In what universe would that be considered ok? **** you, you heartless shit.