Today, I checked the camera I set up to find out who has been stealing my prescription painkillers: my wife, my daughter, or my son. Turns out they all are. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML
Today, I figured out why I have been feeling so drowsy and lethargic for the past week. My daughter had been slipping sleeping pills into my coffee as payback for taking her phone away. FML
Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML
Today, my daughter wanted to show me the tooth she had just lost. As I was in a rush to leave for work, I quickly picked up and swallowed my pill that was on the kitchen table. It was only until I looked back down at the table did I see not only my pill, but one extremely angry daughter glaring at me. FML
Today, my asshole uncle stole the painkillers I was prescribed after my surgery. To top it all off, the pharmacy called CPS on my mom when she attempted to replace them because they thought she was lying, so they're going to be investigating. FML
Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML
Today, I was installing wireless surveillance cameras outside my workplace. Before mounting them, I pointed them around the building to make sure there was a good signal and picture. I got inside to the monitor just in time to see a kid steal one of the cameras. FML
Today, I ordered a surveillance camera for my home. The package got stolen after being delivered. I think they're onto me. FML
Today, I found my car had been robbed. The thieves stole my GPS, my iPod and my digital camera. While I was filing the police report, the officer recommended I take photos for insurance purposes. Then she remembered my camera had been stolen. She actually started laughing. FML
Today, a "friend" tried to sell me a digital camera that I recognized that was stolen from my home a week earlier, along with a few other things. FML
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Top comments
WCARlover 35
Wow, looks like you could start up a family drug business!
NickCassell 2
Can I has some? :D
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Comments (204)
zoPwNAgEzo 21
lol they're having fun without you with your own pain killers
mannysaucedo 4
Hide them better.
_YeahImMe_ 0
Look at the bright side: your saving money on pain killers by not having to buy any for them.
marpay 11
Or he is running out of his needed pain killers because his family is a group of ass hats who don't care if he is actually in pain. They aren't using them for pain reduction they just want to get high.
Pendragon525 0
Well said, 76!
victimization 0
How is that a bright side. I am in pain for them to get high....
ShadowLuffer 0
Haha. That sucks.
rhysfucker 24
Seriously bro, take charge, hide the pills, and be the alpha male... Someone has to run your household; if not you, then who? Set some boundaries.
Armoured 6
Word lol
Pendragon525 0
You guys have no idea what health problems this guy might have. He might not be in a position to "take control" of much of anything. Be glad you don't know what that's like.
shrimpygymnast 9
fail
HushHushKeeKat 0
What a badass family ya got there. ;D
FYLDeep 26
Proof that additive tendencies are genetic.
rhysfucker 24
Actually very true. Addiction and mental issues / chemical imbalances can be hereditary.
tj4234 36
33. is that something to do with the mother taking drugs, drinking, or smoking whilst pregnant? because all that will pass into the baby.
marpay 11
37- it's a genetic tendency, that has nothing to do with the mother using while pregnant. But drug use while pregnant can affect your child and cause serious problems. And it has been shown that having a mother use while pregnant can increase the likelihood that the child will have an addictive personality.
bizarre_ftw 22
Did no one else catch the "additive tendencies" not "addictive tendencies" in this?
beezleboss2010 3
Holy **** lol
j_cat187 20
I see that they kicked in
captainbj2 0
Are you that hard to live with???