Today, I checked the camera I set up to find out who has been stealing my prescription painkillers: my wife, my daughter, or my son. Turns out they all are. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML
Today, I figured out why I have been feeling so drowsy and lethargic for the past week. My daughter had been slipping sleeping pills into my coffee as payback for taking her phone away. FML
Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML
Today, my daughter wanted to show me the tooth she had just lost. As I was in a rush to leave for work, I quickly picked up and swallowed my pill that was on the kitchen table. It was only until I looked back down at the table did I see not only my pill, but one extremely angry daughter glaring at me. FML
Today, my asshole uncle stole the painkillers I was prescribed after my surgery. To top it all off, the pharmacy called CPS on my mom when she attempted to replace them because they thought she was lying, so they're going to be investigating. FML
Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML
Today, I was installing wireless surveillance cameras outside my workplace. Before mounting them, I pointed them around the building to make sure there was a good signal and picture. I got inside to the monitor just in time to see a kid steal one of the cameras. FML
Today, I ordered a surveillance camera for my home. The package got stolen after being delivered. I think they're onto me. FML
Today, I found my car had been robbed. The thieves stole my GPS, my iPod and my digital camera. While I was filing the police report, the officer recommended I take photos for insurance purposes. Then she remembered my camera had been stolen. She actually started laughing. FML
Today, a "friend" tried to sell me a digital camera that I recognized that was stolen from my home a week earlier, along with a few other things. FML
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Top comments
WCARlover 35
Wow, looks like you could start up a family drug business!
NickCassell 2
Can I has some? :D
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Comments (204)
xLoveLastsx 0
What a disturbing family you got there
miami_bb6 0
Sharing is caring :D na but seriously...switch em with laxatives...they'll learn to mess with your stuff
Pendragon525 0
I can't imagine my kids or my husband stealing my medication. What a cruel betrayal. I'm sorry this happened to you.
sociology 0
well I gotta say I'm jealous of your situation, but here is what you do you get that thing from the catholic church canceling your marriage then u leave home and become a priest. all your problems are now solved u don't have to thank me though!!
92910bg 4
Annulment
sociology 0
thanx
Qwertyuiip 0
Secretly replace the painkillers with laxatives.
HannahDoyle_2013 2
How have you not noticed, man?! Maybe YOU are taking too many of those things.
False_Stupidity 42
Dude, he did notice which is why he set up the cam and caught them all in the act... Learn to read the whole FML before commenting.
datoismyname 22
Yum painkillers! My favorite breakfast, lunch and dinner!
leadman1989 16
Analgesic-o's part of a balanced breakfast. :)
nite66 21
Put me into the list as well lol
lobum 12
Is this my father?
bizarre_ftw 22
You seem to be the common factor