Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband and I, for a laugh, did our first dance to LMFAO's "I'm sexy and I know it" with stupid moves and everything. 200 guests. Nobody laughed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to my fiance's cousin's wedding with him. I got drunk and danced like a stripper in front of his entire extended family, who I'd just met that day. FML
Today, my new husband and I were called up to have our first dance at our wedding. While I rested my head on his shoulder, he whispered the most romantic thing to me: "Your breath stinks." FML
Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML
Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML
Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband decided it would be a good idea, when he was supposed to do his speech, to stand up and say, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. Genitals. That is all." FML
Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML
Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML
Today, my husband and I were at a wedding. When the DJ announced that the bar was open, my hubby was the only one to RUN to the bar while the other husbands stayed behind to dance with their wives, eyeing us in a weird way. FML
Today, it was my wedding day. With my best friend as the priest, she asked, "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" After saying I do, she then turned to him and asked, "Do you want to bang my friend?" Everyone laughed, except my already disapproving father. FML
Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML
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Top comments
CrissyyyS2 22
What a tough crowd.
bluerhhajfk 17
lmfao
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Comments (101)
a9fc 2
But the both of you enjoyed it yea? That's what matters
amifaiyaz 12
At least you and your husband are together in your horrifically embarrassing sense of humor.
Cld19_2013 1
It's your wedding day and you're posting on FML? That FYL goes without saying.
sulitak 27
you do know that in order to submit one of these it HAS to start with "today" right? If you don't want to click on the "Submit your FML" above for proof, the number one 'rule' is "Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself."
Surfboy1017 9
Did the same for my cousins wedding, it was the best
esb77 8
Do they not have a sense of humor?
blondie2476 9
Time for new friends?
Mailman2121 15
I don't get those comments blaming the guests for not laughing. If nobody laughed, it's because OP and her husband obviously have a shitty sense of humor, and they deluded themselves into thinking they were funny. But it's okay, who hasn't done an unfunny joke at least one time?
ayyy_bro 26
Probably because it was a stupid idea.
Taolan 23
Definitely time for new friends.
anthony99 14
Did the wedding take place in a McDonalds too?