Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college, I was arrested by a police officer for assault. I was in a bar the night before and accidentally bumped into a local tough guy on the way to the toilet. I got punched in the face. The witnesses got our names mixed up. That'll look great on my CV. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my friend got drunk. We tried to get him into a cab, he punched me in the face, three chavs then accosted me, accusing me of trying to mug him. I was then beaten up by said chavs and then the police charged me for being drunk and disorderly. FML
Today, I'm recovering from being pepper-sprayed, beat with a baton and Tased, and arrested for assault. I'm a bouncer and was trying to remove a drunk asshole from the bar when the police showed up. FML
Today, I got punched in the face, had hair ripped out of my skull and broke a tooth on the pavement when I fell. Some guy mistook me for someone else. FML
Today, I was not yet wearing my bouncer uniform when a fight broke out at a club. I intervened, only to have the cops who showed up tase me because they thought I was part of it. FML
Today, a customer at work became violent and started hitting me and my coworker. Not wanting him to get the shit beat out of us, I used a move that pinned the guy on the ground. The police came and he was arrested. I was then fired for assaulting a customer. FML
Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML
Today, I got questioned by the police. Last night I was at a party when a bully of a kid who happened to be an aspiring MMA coach and local fighter was picking on me, stole my alcohol and threw me out of the party. I heard he got stabbed by someone else he was picking on after I left. The police insist it was me. FML
Today, I got tackled by a bouncer in a club and handed to police for spiking my date's drink. It was an ice cube. I'd asked the barman for some ice cubes, which I put in both my drink and hers, and someone assumed I was slipping her a roofie and reported me. FML
Today, someone was getting beat up by 6 guys. When I tried to help, they had a swing at me as well. The cops came when I was enthusiastically defending myself. They got away, I got arrested. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
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Top comments
stig53kr 0
A CV is short for curriculum vitae or more commonly known as a résumé.
notmuch 0
Wait what? Who pressed the charges if not you?
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Comments (56)
vcjesusfreak 0
42 I hope you were kidding not everyone who goes to a bar is an alcoholic As for everyone else: BLOOOWWWWW MMMMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
Saoul_fml 0
That's ****** up man. Real ****** up. Why didn't you file the report, though? He hit you.
Roddsy 0
#31 ftw. #14, 20, 28 and all the rest, you are all turds - and deserve one in your face (: seriously, for those of you whom *smile* are getting so agitated by the use of proper words, go educate yourselves - or just stop being so arrogant and stuck-up -_-; and people STILL use the word CV, wtf? btw, if i continue hearing from people (such as americans) saying or implying that "american english" is NOT derived from english and or words in proper english are wrong whilst their derivation in "american english" are correct.. i will implode. >_> lols whateva =] boredom sucks though =/
Roddsy 0
oh, may i also point out that words like "learnt" (there are many others) have been 'simplified' down for americans in "american english" to become "learned". yesh, they're all killing off the english language!! T_T; >_> but yeah, apparently it's to make it more simple. =P (need i explain? or can you work out what i'm insinuating? ;] ) kehe. -gives you all cookies- be nice! xP
arby 0
I wouldn't think that it would go on any records after you straightened things out with them about the fact that you weren't the one who was the assaulter.
sarasarasarasara 0
I call it a CV and I'm a 16 year old no body so for everyone who is saying that he's trying to be stuck up try to consider that different people use different words. Oh and whilst is a bog standard english word - maybe you should go back to school and try again.
Anjy_fml 0
Hellloo Lawsuit! Bank in on it and then fhl
flamencosketches 0
YDI for pressing an assault charge on yourself.
inkedgeek 0
I LOL whilest you all can eat a bag of dicks.
redbeater 5
Cops are really screwed up and mess up peoples life. **** the police.