Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college, I was arrested by a police officer for assault. I was in a bar the night before and accidentally bumped into a local tough guy on the way to the toilet. I got punched in the face. The witnesses got our names mixed up. That'll look great on my CV. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my friend got drunk. We tried to get him into a cab, he punched me in the face, three chavs then accosted me, accusing me of trying to mug him. I was then beaten up by said chavs and then the police charged me for being drunk and disorderly. FML
Today, I'm recovering from being pepper-sprayed, beat with a baton and Tased, and arrested for assault. I'm a bouncer and was trying to remove a drunk asshole from the bar when the police showed up. FML
Today, I got punched in the face, had hair ripped out of my skull and broke a tooth on the pavement when I fell. Some guy mistook me for someone else. FML
Today, I was not yet wearing my bouncer uniform when a fight broke out at a club. I intervened, only to have the cops who showed up tase me because they thought I was part of it. FML
Today, a customer at work became violent and started hitting me and my coworker. Not wanting him to get the shit beat out of us, I used a move that pinned the guy on the ground. The police came and he was arrested. I was then fired for assaulting a customer. FML
Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML
Today, I got questioned by the police. Last night I was at a party when a bully of a kid who happened to be an aspiring MMA coach and local fighter was picking on me, stole my alcohol and threw me out of the party. I heard he got stabbed by someone else he was picking on after I left. The police insist it was me. FML
Today, I got tackled by a bouncer in a club and handed to police for spiking my date's drink. It was an ice cube. I'd asked the barman for some ice cubes, which I put in both my drink and hers, and someone assumed I was slipping her a roofie and reported me. FML
Today, someone was getting beat up by 6 guys. When I tried to help, they had a swing at me as well. The cops came when I was enthusiastically defending myself. They got away, I got arrested. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
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Top comments
stig53kr 0
A CV is short for curriculum vitae or more commonly known as a résumé.
notmuch 0
Wait what? Who pressed the charges if not you?
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Comments (56)
I2OI3 0
The people commenting are being mean, keep your chin up man!
cselby 0
Hey, #20, languages vary all across the globe. Not everyone speaks just like you do mmkay? And you're calling HIM the douchebag, ha...
cthulhu1138 1
I'm sure it'll be straightened out when the witnesses see your face and realize their mistake.
poobear 0
this makes no sense you would be the one to file a police report so why would the cops come arrest you? at least think about your story before you make one up
Icalasari 0
Could be that the OP thought it wasn't a big deal, and didn't press charges, but the witnesses thought the assaulter should be arrested and reported them However, I have no clue how British law works in situations like that =/
inkedgeek 0
Hey ass dick (or soon to be) nobody uses CV anymore you stuck up school boy who needs an ass whipping.
panda_bear511 0
@28: Hey douchebag, yes they do. Just because in your little redneck town they don't talk like that doesn't mean no one in the world speaks like that.
annahoward 0
dude, i seriously dont understand these people that just accept the shit that happens to them. do something! fight for your rights idk, and even if it doesnt make a difference in the end, at least you tried! just... dont sit on your ass and complain about it on a fml.
AnnaSeptic 0
14, 20, 28 stop being dumbasses. People talk differently from different parts of the world. Get over it. Oh, and not JUST Brits say whilst btw. I'm pretty sure most English speakers outside of the US and Canada use it.
IambecomeRAWR 0
FYL, sucks for you :(.