Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college, I was arrested by a police officer for assault. I was in a bar the night before and accidentally bumped into a local tough guy on the way to the toilet. I got punched in the face. The witnesses got our names mixed up. That'll look great on my CV. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my friend got drunk. We tried to get him into a cab, he punched me in the face, three chavs then accosted me, accusing me of trying to mug him. I was then beaten up by said chavs and then the police charged me for being drunk and disorderly. FML
Today, I'm recovering from being pepper-sprayed, beat with a baton and Tased, and arrested for assault. I'm a bouncer and was trying to remove a drunk asshole from the bar when the police showed up. FML
Today, I got punched in the face, had hair ripped out of my skull and broke a tooth on the pavement when I fell. Some guy mistook me for someone else. FML
Today, I was not yet wearing my bouncer uniform when a fight broke out at a club. I intervened, only to have the cops who showed up tase me because they thought I was part of it. FML
Today, a customer at work became violent and started hitting me and my coworker. Not wanting him to get the shit beat out of us, I used a move that pinned the guy on the ground. The police came and he was arrested. I was then fired for assaulting a customer. FML
Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML
Today, I got questioned by the police. Last night I was at a party when a bully of a kid who happened to be an aspiring MMA coach and local fighter was picking on me, stole my alcohol and threw me out of the party. I heard he got stabbed by someone else he was picking on after I left. The police insist it was me. FML
Today, I got tackled by a bouncer in a club and handed to police for spiking my date's drink. It was an ice cube. I'd asked the barman for some ice cubes, which I put in both my drink and hers, and someone assumed I was slipping her a roofie and reported me. FML
Today, someone was getting beat up by 6 guys. When I tried to help, they had a swing at me as well. The cops came when I was enthusiastically defending myself. They got away, I got arrested. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
stig53kr 0
A CV is short for curriculum vitae or more commonly known as a résumé.
notmuch 0
Wait what? Who pressed the charges if not you?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (56)
Twins_Rock27 0
wtf why couldent you say you where the wrong guy i am shure they have a picture of him!!! du if you didnt know that your an idot!!!
pantalones 0
A CV is not the same as a resume. Resumes should generally be 1 page. CV's are unlimited amount of pages documenting in detail all your work, research, and presentations.
waxstigmata 0
the whole situation does kind of suck hard, not your fault it will clear up i'm sure.
CapriceClassic 0
Seriously? It's a ****, get over it.
wbrycem 0
11 - I've been to many bars many times and have never gotten punched in the face or assaulted in any way. He just so happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time with a guy who had a stick up his ass. That could've happened anywhere. You need to get out more ...
drunkenatheist 0
@11: Really? Going out for one or two beers early in the evening is irresponsible? Note that the OP didn't mention how many drinks he had, when he had gone out, or how long he had been at the bar before all this drama. @ all of you dingleberries who don't know wtf you're talking about re: a CV: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curriculum_vitae#Curriculum_Vitae A CV is not just a British thing and is used in the US (teaching is one field I know of that uses them...maybe the wiki goes more into it). According to the wiki - which is what I thought - a CV is far more in-depth and includes info like awards, as well as every job you have ever held. Resumes traditionally only go back 3 jobs or 5 years (possibly 10), depending on which is shorter, and are only supposed to highlight things like your educational level, your core responsibilities at past jobs, and any special skills that would be beneficial to the field you're applying. Jesus, Google and Wiki aren't that hard to operate. If all of you whiners had taken a few seconds, you would have known wtf a CV was. OP: that sucks, dude, but it should be no problem to get it straightened out.
vag_fml 0
if you know what a cv even is, you'd know that something like this ISN'T on it. douche.
Vinny66 0
ugh I hate people
proud_liberal 0
Why were you in a bar? You must be an alcoholic. Please get help before you hurt the ones you love!!!
Yeoman 0
This is no problem. He just mixed up names, its an easy fix.