Today, while trying to sexily wash my man in the shower, I dropped the body wash bottle. The pump grazed my nipple, making it bleed. As if that didn't kill the mood, I now have a Star Wars bandaid on my boob. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while shaving I accidentally shaved of half of my left nipple. Worst of all? I didn't notice it until I looked down and saw blood everywhere. That's when the pain hit. FML
Today, while shaving in the shower, my mother banged on the bathroom door to tell me something, right as I went to shave under my left armpit, causing me to jump and cut open my nipple. FML
Today, while I was at work in a machine shop, I cut myself really bad. Not with any of the sharp tools, drills, or metals I work with. Just the soap dispenser. FML
Today, I decided to take a relaxing shower. My face mask made my face break out in hives. While exfoliating, my nipples became chafed. Then I slipped and cut myself while shaving. FML
Today, I stabbed myself in the nipple with scissors trying to cut an opening in the supposedly hands-free pumping bra I just bought. I breastfeed my 5-day-old. FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend, he had his head on my chest and we both fell asleep. Suddenly, I woke up by my boyfriend biting my nipple, hard, in his sleep. I now need to go to the pharmacy because of a bleeding nipple. FML
Today, I tripped and fell on my open dishwasher, right onto a carving knife. I'm mostly ok, except that my nipple has been sliced neatly in half. Seriously, the two halves keep flapping open like a little mouth. It would be funnier if it wasn't so painful. FML
Today, as I bent over to pick up my baby, a wasp flew into my bra. I jumped up in a panic, flattening the wasp between my boob and my bra, where it stung me on the nipple, which is now swollen, a funny colour, and throbbing. Did I mention the nipple was already irritated from breastfeeding? FML
Today, my girlfriend helped me apply liquid bandaid over an open wound. Unfortunately, she grabbed the liquid wart remover instead. FML
Today, I had to explain to my husband that while trying to figure out how to make coffee on our stupid new machine, I was in fact nude, so when I finally got it to work and steam came hissing out of the nozzle, I got first degree burn on my nipple. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
What’s with all the nipple injury stories lately? I’m cramping up from the continual cringing. (I hope my enemies don’t see this.)
Shabnam Moghal 14
I'm not even sure what to say. But you probably wouldn't hear me above the laughter. Sorry.
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Comments (12)
Shabnam Moghal 14
I'm not even sure what to say. But you probably wouldn't hear me above the laughter. Sorry.
dasin 18
wait blood nipple play and star wars bandaid ruin the mood? LOL
RichardPencil 32
What’s with all the nipple injury stories lately? I’m cramping up from the continual cringing. (I hope my enemies don’t see this.)
RichardPencil 32
Yes, but you’re not my enemy. At least, that’s what I think.
Gubbon 17
Now kiss?
0neiros 14
Achilles Nipple sounds like a Star Wars character.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
The force was strong with the body wash bottle.
INDYSTRUCTABLE 43
idk why i always cringe when women use the phrase "my man".
mekiswrite 21
Role play! You can be Booba Fett!
Taurus_ChicKa 37
The Force was strong with that one! Sounds like you really felt it!
idragosani 17
I'd say that band-aid is a bonus for your man!
0neiros 14
Achilles Nipple sounds like a Star Wars character.
J15237 25
Actually the star wars band aid on your nipple does sound a bit sexy. I would recommend putting one on the other nipple and playing it off as pasties.