Today, I stabbed myself in the nipple with scissors trying to cut an opening in the supposedly hands-free pumping bra I just bought. I breastfeed my 5-day-old. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML
Today, as I bent over to pick up my baby, a wasp flew into my bra. I jumped up in a panic, flattening the wasp between my boob and my bra, where it stung me on the nipple, which is now swollen, a funny colour, and throbbing. Did I mention the nipple was already irritated from breastfeeding? FML
Today, I was stabbed in the chest. Not with a knife though, the under-wire from my bra escaped and stabbed me in the boob. FML
Today, I was cooking. I leaned over the stove to preheat the oven, and burned my nipple on a pot of boiling water. I also have a teething son who is breastfeeding. FML
Today, while trying to sexily wash my man in the shower, I dropped the body wash bottle. The pump grazed my nipple, making it bleed. As if that didn't kill the mood, I now have a Star Wars bandaid on my boob. FML
Today, while shaving in the shower, my mother banged on the bathroom door to tell me something, right as I went to shave under my left armpit, causing me to jump and cut open my nipple. FML
Today, I found out I had three strands of pubic hair beside my nipple, so I decided to cut it off with a scissor since I'm going swimming tomorrow. In an attempt to cut off my third strand, I instead excised the cap of my left nipple. FML
Today, after a 3-day induced delivery for my twins, and after getting stitches down there, I woke up to boobs that are the size of footballs, and still no milk coming out. The pain of chopping them off at this point would be more bearable. FML
Today, I got a nipple piercing. My girlfriend thought I was pranking her with a fake piercing, because I wouldn’t be "daft enough" to get a real one, and she yanked it off, or rather through, my nipple. Yes, it cut my poor nip in half, and I now have two nipples where once I had only one. FML
Today, breastfeeding my infant has become so automatic that when my dog nuzzled up against me while I was sleeping, I lifted up my shirt and unhooked my nursing bra. FML
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Top comments
tounces7 28
General rule of advice - always make sure the sharp end of anything is not pointed directly at you when using it.
Yummi_913 18
Shit that sucks! But are you sure you bought a pumping bra? They already come with holes and some even have extra cloth segments you can add in the center in case your nipples are wider apart... If you need to cut the second hole still just draw a circle around your nipple while wearing it and then cut it after taking it off your body. For now, nipple cream for pain and healing 😭
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Comments (2)
tounces7 28
General rule of advice - always make sure the sharp end of anything is not pointed directly at you when using it.
Yummi_913 18
Shit that sucks! But are you sure you bought a pumping bra? They already come with holes and some even have extra cloth segments you can add in the center in case your nipples are wider apart... If you need to cut the second hole still just draw a circle around your nipple while wearing it and then cut it after taking it off your body. For now, nipple cream for pain and healing 😭