Today, while snow plowing I accidentally ran over my kid's basketball. I told him what had happened and he responded by spilling his ant farm into my underwear drawer. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML
Today, my husband was changing our son’s overflowing diaper. Instead of getting up and walking the putrid mess to the bin, he decided to shoot it basketball-style. He missed and it hit the wall, sliding down leaving a huge sloppy streak. He expected me to clean it. FML
Today, I tripped really hard and twisted my ankle on a toy that was on the floor, dropping a bag of trash filled with coffee and energy drinks my husband has piled around his desk. Instead of helping me up or helping me clean, he berated me about it. Told me that it's not my problem and went to his LoL game. FML
Today, I was babysitting an eleven year-old boy. He decided we would play with Nerf guns with Velcro tips. I shot him in the crotch accidentally, and the dart stuck to his pants, and he wiggled it for about a full minute before his dad walked in to find us both staring at his son's crotch, giggling. FML
Today, a little kid accidentally ran into me at the pool. He apologized by biting my leg. FML
Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML
Today, I walked in the snow and saw some kid slip. I laughed and felt good about myself. Then I fell. FML
Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly six minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML
Today, I was babysitting my co-worker's son. He was eating Jell-o and spilled it on his top, so I pulled off his PJ's, and went in his room to grab a new pair. I heard a thunk and ran to find him out cold on the floor. His parents walked in on me trying to wake up their naked 3 year-old. FML
Today, it was really windy and rainy causing me to trip and knock into a little kid. While still gathering myself, I apologized and patted the kid on its head. Then I see people around me starting to laugh. I turn and look at the kid, and discover I've been interacting with a trash can. FML
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Top comments
renjay 0
smack the dam kid
cmac86 24
sounds like there's either some parenting or anger management issues. and now an insect issue, because you, quite literally, have ants in your pants.
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Comments (145)
tom_es 3
an you allow him to treat you like that?
Dibman 3
I hope to god when I have kid's they don't become little brats like that but I have a backup plan if they do, its called take them to see they're grandpa coz he'll tell them bout the good 'ol days of when I was naughty and beat me with his belt.
tiffanyjean 3
lol my grandpa is like that. so if my dad he told me stories of when he was younger and what happened when he got in trouble
ECOxDC 0
no1 in in nu family was ever like that. although my parents did say that they did get hit sometimes. but I'll set my kids straight before they destroy me.
poisoniv 4
let me guess, you punish your kid with a stern talking to rather than a much deserved spanking... you deserve it for not discipling your kids properly... your kid is going to grow up to be a spoiled, entitled, little b*tch
nikkibeez 0
^agreed.
berg54 0
You don't have to beat a kid to instill fear and respect. You want to make them fear and respect you, you take the things they love the most away. Spankings just make you look like a stone age dumbass who doesn't know how to control their child. If you have to hit your kid to control them you shouldnt be a parent. Just saying. Not directed at just you just had enough reading "Smack yo kid".
shylodragon 0
any type of physical harm is abuse which can lead to jail time. that includes spanking your kid, it is abuse.
riley322 0
82- There is a big difference between spanking or beating a child. Spanking can be a valuable tool in child rearing. It teaches the kid that there are tough consequences for screwed up actions, and to respect authority. If, God forbid, OP's kid gets a little older and decides he wants to go on a damn shooting spree because he doesn't like someone else's opinion, or his girl dumped him, he won't get a STERN talking to. His degenerate ass is gonna be sent packing to the Federal pen, or on an express trip to meet Jesus, Allah, or whomever you believe in.
riley322 0
85- Asinine. That is all.
NiceGuy1988 0
Actually, statistics and child psychology show that spanking is not a positive tool in raising a child. It is the way I was raised however, the most progressive approach is teaching your children to undestand why their actions are wrong, why there is consequences and then why something they hold as valuable is being taken away. Violence begets violance. This is a generality.
TexasGirl24 15
Trying to teach a toddler to not hit by explaining why it is wrong is like trying to talk my dog into not being afraid of the vacuum cleaner. There's not enough understanding there. Am I saying to hit your kid every time they put a toe out of line? No, but in extreme cases such as this, a spanking would be appropriate to me. As someone who has seen the different parenting styles both in my own childhood and that of other family members, I'd say spanking is far more effective. Talking doesn't do anything until the kid is old enough to understand, in which case they shouldn't need to be talked to because by then it's too late. I'm not saying you're wrong, just that I disagree.
Alaalala 0
Wow. Your kid needs to learn some manners and respect. Make him chase down all those ants.
mrpyramids 8
agreed
unfortunate_13 5
and make him eat them afterwards, i can assure you: he will never do that again!
foolishgirl 0
hahaha ants in ur pantsss
Madmolly 0
My son would never dare do something like that, he knows better! Ydi for not raising your kid right
Brittneyyyy 7
I think one can be a good parent without laying hands on the kid... then again, I was always well-behaved growing up, but most kids probably aren't as perfect as I was :P
therealsuperman 0
I was spanked and I became superman. beeeat thaaaat
Newmocheybear 5
Superman, did your parents use a stick of kryptonite to beat you?
DU0 0
Ants in your pants. Ants in your pants. Lookin' like a fool with ants in your pants!
nicopico_fml 2
ha! now that's funny! well said good sir
DU0 0
#26; Perfection doesn't exist. Would you like to go for double or nothing? EDIT: Damn it. D: