Today, while snow plowing I accidentally ran over my kid's basketball. I told him what had happened and he responded by spilling his ant farm into my underwear drawer. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML
Today, my husband was changing our son’s overflowing diaper. Instead of getting up and walking the putrid mess to the bin, he decided to shoot it basketball-style. He missed and it hit the wall, sliding down leaving a huge sloppy streak. He expected me to clean it. FML
Today, I tripped really hard and twisted my ankle on a toy that was on the floor, dropping a bag of trash filled with coffee and energy drinks my husband has piled around his desk. Instead of helping me up or helping me clean, he berated me about it. Told me that it's not my problem and went to his LoL game. FML
Today, I was babysitting an eleven year-old boy. He decided we would play with Nerf guns with Velcro tips. I shot him in the crotch accidentally, and the dart stuck to his pants, and he wiggled it for about a full minute before his dad walked in to find us both staring at his son's crotch, giggling. FML
Today, a little kid accidentally ran into me at the pool. He apologized by biting my leg. FML
Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML
Today, I walked in the snow and saw some kid slip. I laughed and felt good about myself. Then I fell. FML
Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly six minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML
Today, I was babysitting my co-worker's son. He was eating Jell-o and spilled it on his top, so I pulled off his PJ's, and went in his room to grab a new pair. I heard a thunk and ran to find him out cold on the floor. His parents walked in on me trying to wake up their naked 3 year-old. FML
Today, it was really windy and rainy causing me to trip and knock into a little kid. While still gathering myself, I apologized and patted the kid on its head. Then I see people around me starting to laugh. I turn and look at the kid, and discover I've been interacting with a trash can. FML
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Top comments
renjay 0
smack the dam kid
cmac86 24
sounds like there's either some parenting or anger management issues. and now an insect issue, because you, quite literally, have ants in your pants.
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Comments (145)
LemonStarship 5
Must be one hell of a basketball.
grandpaearthling 2
unless you have a hermetically sealed underwear drawer, there are now ants in all the drawers working their way all over the house.
lmBrown 0
time fo a whoooping
MissLizWolf 8
I like the way he thinks. (:
Leetswaglordmaybe2 9
ydi for rasing a brat
therealsuperman 0
the kids?
Myquenzy 0
anyone that lays a hand on their child is a messed up person. disciplining your child should never mean beating them. all that will do is make your child rebel and your child will get the last laugh when you can no longer control them for lack of fear. you can only hit a child so many times before the fear you installed is long gone.
butterfly403 12
you are full of shit. my mother raised me on bustings. she may be a small woman but i respect her and im damn sure scared of her still to this day. and to all of you people saying its abuse, you are all idiots too. there is a HUGE difference in abuse and a damn spanking, and obviously you people do not know that difference.
cassidy0922 6
I agree 96. Anyone who thinks their child is going to mind them when they just say, 'Now go sit in the corner.' is nuts. Back in the 1800 when people actually disciplined their children, people turned out right. You see how our generations turned out don't you? Not enough spankings..
Beck2209 0
Lack discipline? Who gives a child an art farm anyway?
Kb_Harlem 0
that's why you buy kids cats or dogs dumbass
MassEffectNerd 0
f the ants life! they're the ones in your smelly underwear. not only that but you probably used a vacuum to get them all out.