Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on a first date at high-end Indian restaurant. I tried to impress my date by ordering the spiciest dish on the menu, only to find out it was way too hot for me to handle. I ruined the entire meal by coughing, choking, and drinking five gallons of water with tears streaming down my face for at least 40 minutes. FML
Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML
Today, as a big fan of spicy food and a huge challenge seeker, I decided to try the hottest burger I could order. Despite being warned by a waitress, I went for it. After eating a third, I had trouble breathing from the spiciness. The waitress was smirking. FML
Today, to impress my date with dinner, I spent hours prepping and cooking. Just as I was about to serve her, I realized I'd left the stove on and my kitchen was on fire. As the fire trucks arrived and my date looked on in horror, I couldn't help but think, "My cooking is so hot it literally set the house on fire." FML
Today, my boyfriend made dinner. He warned me that it was spicy, but I laughed at him and said that white guys don't know spicy. Five minutes later, I had to beg for milk, with my eyes streaming and nose pouring. Turns out I was wrong. FML
Today, I went on a first date and tried to make a good impression by ordering something I'd never eaten before. It was a whole fish. I spent the next twenty minutes trying to figure out how to eat it without looking clueless. My date had ordered chicken nuggets. FML
Today, I went on a first date at an Italian restaurant. I was leaning in as my date told a story when my fork snapped a meatball in half. The sauce launched across the table and landed directly on his shirt, meat red against crisp white. I spent the rest of the meal staring at the stain, so I'm not sure there will be a date two. FML
Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
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Top comments
BeastyMcbeast 19
I didn't know being able to eat spicy food was something that can be considered impresive.
MonkeeArtz 11
YDI. Don't bite off more than you can chew just to impress someone.
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Comments (82)
vikky538 29
What's the next thing you planned on the date? Fighting with tiger?
9a_1z 12
I can't say you deserve it too much because I did a kinda similar thing once, I went out for a meal with a bunch of Indian people and tried to hide the ever-growing feeling my mouth was on fire so they wouldn't laugh at me (by normal takeaway standards I'm not bad with spicy food but this stuff was another level). Now I just let them laugh and call me a stereotypical white girl because that is what I am. What's the point in having a deliciously flavoured curry if the spiciness is too over-powering to appreciate it?
ADBurns 22
Mate... You deserved that. If you are going to impress someone try conversation...
Vegetarian27 24
My stepdad has a thing for spicy food. He puts chilli in everything. It's got to the point where a fondness for spicy food is a potential deal breaker for me. Just be yourself.
riddhi 16
clearly, you ordered indian :p
Enzymatically 14
show offs never win buddy...
EvilLittleMan 23
More than likely your ass will be red like a baboon's as well.
LaEvolucion 6
Bruh
heavenlyassbutt 11
Yeah, not everyone can handle spicy food.
Weasely 11
Ah yes, that was when I decided I wanted to marry my husband - when he ate some very spicy food. How manly, I was so impressed I fell in love.