Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was on a first date at high-end Indian restaurant. I tried to impress my date by ordering the spiciest dish on the menu, only to find out it was way too hot for me to handle. I ruined the entire meal by coughing, choking, and drinking five gallons of water with tears streaming down my face for at least 40 minutes. FML
Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML
Today, as a big fan of spicy food and a huge challenge seeker, I decided to try the hottest burger I could order. Despite being warned by a waitress, I went for it. After eating a third, I had trouble breathing from the spiciness. The waitress was smirking. FML
Today, to impress my date with dinner, I spent hours prepping and cooking. Just as I was about to serve her, I realized I'd left the stove on and my kitchen was on fire. As the fire trucks arrived and my date looked on in horror, I couldn't help but think, "My cooking is so hot it literally set the house on fire." FML
Today, my boyfriend made dinner. He warned me that it was spicy, but I laughed at him and said that white guys don't know spicy. Five minutes later, I had to beg for milk, with my eyes streaming and nose pouring. Turns out I was wrong. FML
Today, I went on a first date and tried to make a good impression by ordering something I'd never eaten before. It was a whole fish. I spent the next twenty minutes trying to figure out how to eat it without looking clueless. My date had ordered chicken nuggets. FML
Today, I went on a first date at an Italian restaurant. I was leaning in as my date told a story when my fork snapped a meatball in half. The sauce launched across the table and landed directly on his shirt, meat red against crisp white. I spent the rest of the meal staring at the stain, so I'm not sure there will be a date two. FML
Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
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Top comments
BeastyMcbeast 19
I didn't know being able to eat spicy food was something that can be considered impresive.
MonkeeArtz 11
YDI. Don't bite off more than you can chew just to impress someone.
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Comments (82)
gratunka 11
...moaning like a dying baboon...not sure what that sounds like can you demonstrate?
Destiny8745 29
God forbid you be yourself on a date ydi.
pleasedie 22
It only took reading the first sentence to decide YDI
Starlight1029 18
I really hope you didn't actually drink water. That would just make it worse. Milk is the way to go
pollymo14 13
Yes milk would be better but water doesn't make it worse
coatl45 11
Plain bread cuts the heat pretty well. Why we have crackers and rolls with our gumbo back home.
TheNewGuy03 29
51, you from the N.O.?
coatl45 11
No, small town in Beauregard parish, close to Lake Charles in the southwest.
TheNewGuy03 29
I ask because I'm from New Orleans. Good stuff.
THEDUDE1553566 24
...since when do girls really care if you like spicy foods? And why would you try to impress her with that? That's so stupid YDI
countryb_cth 38
I honestly can not figure out why he thought that it would be impressive. I myself can't handle spicy food so if a date did that then the goodnight kiss would go out the window.
Thorzix 23
Aaaaaaaand yet another FML that makes me click YDI as soon as I see "Hoping to impress" or another sentence of the like.
Drosophila82 18
Rookie mistake followed by an amateur choice for beverage. Water can't alleviate spicy food, only milk or yogurt... But let me tell you something, the only way for this to have been worth it is if you made her laugh... I'm not talking giggle, I'm saying laugh out loud... If that experience provided comedy I guess you're not out of the game yet...
outfielder55 17
Ah don't worry. I was driving my first date to dinner and she goes, "Wow this is a really nice truck" and so I said, "Well watch this" and stomped my pedal to the floor and lost traction and spun off the road. Luckily nobody was hurt (and my truck was fine).
XxDanno316xX 27
Wow. Genius.
drrobotnik1 18
You know who isn't impressed by eating spicy food? Women. Also curry gives you super horrible breath and farts, even if you were man enough to handle it, so even if it'd worked, you would've failed to seal the deal. Next time you do this to yourself, plain white rice, sugar, milk, or yogurt *actually* help calm down your weak-ass white person tongue and not make it worse, like water does.
lostinareverie 21
The lesson here is keep it simple and be your self.