Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was on a first date at high-end Indian restaurant. I tried to impress my date by ordering the spiciest dish on the menu, only to find out it was way too hot for me to handle. I ruined the entire meal by coughing, choking, and drinking five gallons of water with tears streaming down my face for at least 40 minutes. FML
Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML
Today, as a big fan of spicy food and a huge challenge seeker, I decided to try the hottest burger I could order. Despite being warned by a waitress, I went for it. After eating a third, I had trouble breathing from the spiciness. The waitress was smirking. FML
Today, to impress my date with dinner, I spent hours prepping and cooking. Just as I was about to serve her, I realized I'd left the stove on and my kitchen was on fire. As the fire trucks arrived and my date looked on in horror, I couldn't help but think, "My cooking is so hot it literally set the house on fire." FML
Today, my boyfriend made dinner. He warned me that it was spicy, but I laughed at him and said that white guys don't know spicy. Five minutes later, I had to beg for milk, with my eyes streaming and nose pouring. Turns out I was wrong. FML
Today, I went on a first date and tried to make a good impression by ordering something I'd never eaten before. It was a whole fish. I spent the next twenty minutes trying to figure out how to eat it without looking clueless. My date had ordered chicken nuggets. FML
Today, I went on a first date at an Italian restaurant. I was leaning in as my date told a story when my fork snapped a meatball in half. The sauce launched across the table and landed directly on his shirt, meat red against crisp white. I spent the rest of the meal staring at the stain, so I'm not sure there will be a date two. FML
Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
BeastyMcbeast 19
I didn't know being able to eat spicy food was something that can be considered impresive.
MonkeeArtz 11
YDI. Don't bite off more than you can chew just to impress someone.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (82)
NostalgiaFreak9 43
"Hoping to impress my date" *instant you deserved it*
neuronerd 29
An ex of mine did that on our first date. I warned him that the curry at this particular Thai restaurant was very hot, but he thought he'd impress me with eating it. I should have used that as a warning sign, because by the end of the relationship I'd tell myself "drink until he's tolerable" (unfortunately, he blinded me with science. I wanted to go out with someone also studying neuroscience). Anyway, I hope that's the only thing you have in common with him, otherwise you may need a personality overhaul.
Paws_Cat 29
No shit OP was a guy, they have their gender displayed at the top of the post!
thatsme293 28
Impress to fail my friend. The best impressions are honest ones out of your own character.
brenton490 19
If you're posting a fml I'm guessing you read them as well. You haven't learned that trying to impress always seems to backfire?
shredder257 9
When you eat spicy food at first you feel like a dragon with fire breath then when it comes out the other end you feel like a rocket at liftoff
kylerzz 15
lying to impress someone is not a good way to build a relationship of any kind
kesht1996 12
To quote Sean and Gus from Psych "I can't see out of my left eye" "I see dead people" "Even the waters spicy"
itooamscrewed 10
I've never understood why some guys think overdoing something is impressive. Oh you ordered the hottest curry? You can drink seven beers in an hour? You can drink twelve monsters a day "without feeling it"? Please take my pants off immediately. Not.
mrBearBear 11
1st Rule of Dating: don't be fake in order to try and impress them. Even if it does work and you pull it off you'll either have to admit you're a liar or go through the whole relationship pretending to be someone you're not.