Today, while my friend and I signed the guest-book at a wedding, the drunk guy at our table stole my friend's painkillers and car keys before getting into a cab. Didn't need the painkillers, definitely needed the keys. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was over at a friend's place until very late. He had stolen my keys as a joke at some point, but by the time I noticed, he was too drunk to remember where he'd hidden them. FML
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
Today, I finally got to come home after hours spent in a locked down ER after a car accident. My injuries were non life-threatening, but pretty damn painful. I asked my sister to pick up my pain meds from the pharmacy for me. She got drunk and "lost them", AKA gave them to her dirtbag boyfriend. FML
Today, I came home from an amazing cruise to find that my house broken into. My best friend apparently decided to invite her drug-addicted friends into my home while I was away, where they stole 172$ and my migraine pills, which are non-refillable. I now have a migraine. FML
Today, my best friend broke up with her partner. In retaliation, he got drunk and stole my car, then crashed it into a neighbour's house. Then after dealing with the police who didn't arrest him, he and my best friend made up and went to bed. FML
Today, I was walking to my car from my workplace. When I was about 20 feet from my car, a guy who was clearly on drugs yelled at me and stole my keys and car. Right before leaving the parking lot, he hit a stop sign and then yelled that my car was broken and ran off. FML
Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML
Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML
Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML
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Top comments
QueenPersephone 9
The logic of this drunk guy bothers me. Why steal someones keys and then take a cab home?
FYLDeep 26
That's why you keep your keys in your pocket.
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Comments (70)
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
Was the drunk guy's name Greg Giraldo, by any chance? What? Too soon?
cantfightfate 0
and why did they bring pain killers to a wedding... and just leave them sitting around? weird..
totallyfylindeed 4
you better hope that dude still has ur keys
SarevokRob 1
why would you leave your car keys anywhere besides with you?
nerdsgetmehot 23
Wouldn't that be F your friend's life? They were her car keys...
ChibiChibi_fml 28
If they came together than it is F both their lives because now they are both stuck.
figgity83 15
wow don't know if it's your friends stuff really but that does suck. live and learn right. get your important stuff out of reach. if they want it that bad they gotta earn it. fyl or your friends life
Marvin_Android 0
Sounds miserable. Weddings are just awful. Life. Don't talk to me about life.
wolverine1150 0
wouldnt this be an fml for HER?
TheSofaKing 7
Your friend is an idiot for leaving pain pills and car keys unattended. If the drunk took the car and wreck it, have fun trying to get the insurance to pay.
glambert1998 0
epic failllll