Today, while I was working at the golf course, two kids stole a golf cart and pulled a snowboard behind it. When I tried to stop them, they ran me over. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my job at a luxurious retirement community was terminated when I ran over an old lady with my work golf cart. FML
Today, I lost a glove while snowboarding. I got off my board to find it, when a bunch of kids took the opportunity to kick my snowboard down the hill, while yelling "Run, Forrest, run!" as I frantically chased after it. FML
Today, I was run over by my own car as I tried to push it out of a snowbank. FML
Today, I was fixing something in the back of my truck when a shopping cart sped past me towards traffic. I jumped down to catch it, but it was too late. Luckily, it didn't hit anyone, but a woman and her husband stopped to tell me what an asshole I was. Sorry for trying to save your car from someone else's cart. FML
Today, while playing golf on a local course, my idiot of a friend decided to push his pushcart down a massive hill towards me. When he realized that I was going to be hit, he screamed for me to move, but it was too late. I collapsed to the ground in pain, all while he chuckled about the situation. FML
Today, I went skiing. On the first run of the day, a little girl came out of nowhere and crashed into me. I was fine, but she was hurt, so I called the ski patrol. She told him that I deliberately hit her, and got me kicked out. I was there for 10 minutes. I paid for all day. FML
Today, I was chased on my bike by a couple of guys in a car. I rode into a public park to cut through and try to lose them. I looked by to check if they were following me, but they had to stop. I laughed, looked forward, and rammed into a little girl. FML
Today, I came home from school to find my house ransacked. The robbers shoveled a path from my back door to the driveway, through the snow, then they stole my snow-shovel. FML
Today, I was at the store when I saw that a cart in the checkout line next to me was starting to roll away and the owner hadn't noticed. I tried to help by reaching out to stop the cart from moving, but when the owner saw me with the cart, she began to hit me for trying to steal her purse. FML
Today, while going to work, I was mugged. On the way back, I was mugged. FML
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Top comments
franticravyn 7
They say all teenagers scare the livin' shit outta me... They could care less as long as someone'll bleed.
underguarded 20
This sounds like a job for Chuck Norris. It's ass kicking time.
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Comments (99)
tmmundy 17
you should have taken a few swings with golf balls at the little *****...knock'em right off the golf cart and snow board, depending how good of an aim you are...lmao
KMtheDrummer 6
ATV works much better.
cristina0323 0
ok this doesnt hav to do with anything... but does anyone kno y none of my fmls r being comfirmed?
ikickgingers 15
Because you suck like the colts and I'm the dog pound baby!! Rawr. Seriously probably rejected for spelling errors. Just saying.
Shrike 24
it's cause they suck, dude
cristina0323 0
we hav to spell properly? tht explains it. lol thx
cristina0323 0
o and do we hav to write the "Today" and "FML"???
ikickgingers 15
Read the directions?
zombicidal 11
at least their not out strapping bullet proof vest to bears so they can burn our women and rape our churches
zombicidal 11
sorry they're just woke up
perdix 31
Who cares about you -- what happened to the course? They didn't **** up the greens? Oh, God, no, not the greens! You can **** up the roughs and the traps, but leave the greens!
hebron77 0
Shoot them.
Cinn_fml 23
I don't know if this is really funny or really stupid, or both... I'll go with both.
mike3775 39
I agree. Its funny and sad at the same time. Glad your ok OP
fcked_DP 4
EAGLEEE
sarahlovesyewxD 8
Were they trying to landboard? Hahaha, that really sucks, fyl.
lmaoatall 6
I bet you were t'd off. Did you happen to give them the birdie as they sped away? But golfboarding does sound fun. I'll be checking break and YouTube for that footage!