Today, while I was volunteering at the homeless shelter, one of them "accidentally" kissed me. It felt like my face was being sucked by a vacuum. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was walking down the strip with a friend when we saw a homeless man with no arm. I felt bad, so I gave him some cash and I looked into his poor little eyes when he put out his arm for a hug. Without thinking, I hugged him. Right as I was thinking, "WTF am I doing?" he kissed my boob. FML
Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML
Today, I went in for a hug with my friend, but she leaned in for a kiss on the cheek at the same time. What followed was a full-on awkward face collision where I ended up kissing her on the lips. We both stood there, staring at each other before I muttered, “Sorry, gross." She really took it personally. FML
Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML
Today, while volunteering to feed the homeless, one of them asked me to follow him to his car where he had a knife and bottle so he could "bottle up my blood". FML
Today, while hanging out with this guy I'm interested in, we turned and made eye contact. We were face to face and I thought he was finally going to kiss me. He decided to lick my face from chin to forehead instead. FML
Today, I was walking on a main street downtown. Suddenly, I felt someone slap my butt. I turned around, expecting to be my girlfriend who was to meet me there and almost gave an old homeless man a kiss on the cheek. FML
Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML
Today, after getting together with the guy who I like, and who actually likes me back, he finally kissed me. Unfortunately, he kisses like he’s trying to suck out my soul. FML
Today, I volunteered at a soup kitchen. During the rounds, a grisly but nice young fellow told me that I had beautiful eyes. I was quite touched; that is until he leaned in and added, "Can I have them for my collection?" FML
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Top comments
GovernorGeneral 8
Everything's an accident nowadays.
Jeffo193 13
Wait, a homeless guy kissed you and your biggest concern is that it wasn't a very good kiss!?
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Comments (109)
brendayyyyy 2
An "accidental" kiss shouldn't last long enough for them to vacuum your face.
CALLAHAN4 0
I hate when that happens!
nachiketin 11
So how many times exactly were you kissed by a Hobo?
Xythenol 6
Maybe he was hungry.
toenibbler 14
He should have nibbled on some toes.
challan 19
She probably served him bath salts.
RedPillSucks 33
@21 that's a toetally great idea. *sings "Popsicle Toes"*
mayyberry 4
If you had pulled away fast enough, there would've been no vacuuming.
Deannie88 6
Not that it's not yucky and wrong, but come on, they're human. Just be glad he didn't grope you.....I hope....
jakk_mehoff 4
bums need loving too. you make sound like they are some dirty animal
white16sox 19
So do you when you call them bums.
ShyAnn29 15
Why is it always assumed that people who are homeless are ugly? For all we know this person could've been very cute! I think the FML part is the way they kissed, no one likes feeling as though your face is being sucked off, at least I don't.
Bonzer 2
Homeless people don't usually have several changes of clothes, or showers, you getting my point?
theWINDOWmonster 3
..or toothbrushes, toothpaste, and mouthwash..
ShyAnn29 15
Yes I get that, but they still possibly could be cute
theWINDOWmonster 3
Would you kiss someone with diaper breath if they were cute?
lordEast 6
Your a idiot I mean that purely that your stupid
Kiki242 19
They need a accidental punch to the face.
thiscrazything 1
OP, Thank you for volunteering, you are doing good in this world, maybe the person just wanted to show appreciation the only way he knew how. Thank goodness for sanitizing soap.
Senseless_487 29
I wouldn't volunteer at a prison in the future. You never know what an inmate will "accidentally" do!
andiewithlove 21
Don't drop the soap!