Today, while I was volunteering at the homeless shelter, one of them "accidentally" kissed me. It felt like my face was being sucked by a vacuum. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking down the strip with a friend when we saw a homeless man with no arm. I felt bad, so I gave him some cash and I looked into his poor little eyes when he put out his arm for a hug. Without thinking, I hugged him. Right as I was thinking, "WTF am I doing?" he kissed my boob. FML
Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML
Today, I went in for a hug with my friend, but she leaned in for a kiss on the cheek at the same time. What followed was a full-on awkward face collision where I ended up kissing her on the lips. We both stood there, staring at each other before I muttered, “Sorry, gross." She really took it personally. FML
Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML
Today, while volunteering to feed the homeless, one of them asked me to follow him to his car where he had a knife and bottle so he could "bottle up my blood". FML
Today, while hanging out with this guy I'm interested in, we turned and made eye contact. We were face to face and I thought he was finally going to kiss me. He decided to lick my face from chin to forehead instead. FML
Today, I was walking on a main street downtown. Suddenly, I felt someone slap my butt. I turned around, expecting to be my girlfriend who was to meet me there and almost gave an old homeless man a kiss on the cheek. FML
Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML
Today, after getting together with the guy who I like, and who actually likes me back, he finally kissed me. Unfortunately, he kisses like he’s trying to suck out my soul. FML
Today, I volunteered at a soup kitchen. During the rounds, a grisly but nice young fellow told me that I had beautiful eyes. I was quite touched; that is until he leaned in and added, "Can I have them for my collection?" FML
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Top comments
GovernorGeneral 8
Everything's an accident nowadays.
Jeffo193 13
Wait, a homeless guy kissed you and your biggest concern is that it wasn't a very good kiss!?
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Comments (109)
Gymnastlevel10 0
Maybe he "accidentally" had something to do with bath salts the previous day...
chocolatepandas 2
More action than I'm getting
janerose21 3
You give and you give - this is way too much volunteering!!
Jzigzags 4
I hate the homeless. They messed their own lives up. 9/10 the greedy dirtballs used to have been the "cool" kid in school. He probably kissed you because now that's about as close as he'll ever get to sex.
white16sox 19
Or they are someone who was, for example, a successful doctor who lost their job then subsequently lost their house. Not all homeless messed up their own lives, many of them could have been successful. Stop making assumptions and grow up.
greenie213 23
That dirty man. No pun intended. All right it was intended.
perdix 31
You have a vacuum with bristly facial hair, rotting gums and Hep C?
urbanimpression 6
Gross! Homeless people in Boulder Colorado are so mean! They demanded my friend to make me get a job to give her money so she could give him some spare change. I do have a job she just really didn't have anything.
doctorhook86 25
5: That's ridiculous. Don't kick someone in the gonads unless you've got no other option. Those things are fragile. Balls are serious business.
fordneagles 34
Your next volunteer job: Going to your doctor and getting yourself tested.
xxooxx210 3
That's disgusting. That person must have no respect to have kissed you