Today, while I was volunteering at the homeless shelter, one of them "accidentally" kissed me. It felt like my face was being sucked by a vacuum. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was walking down the strip with a friend when we saw a homeless man with no arm. I felt bad, so I gave him some cash and I looked into his poor little eyes when he put out his arm for a hug. Without thinking, I hugged him. Right as I was thinking, "WTF am I doing?" he kissed my boob. FML
Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML
Today, I went in for a hug with my friend, but she leaned in for a kiss on the cheek at the same time. What followed was a full-on awkward face collision where I ended up kissing her on the lips. We both stood there, staring at each other before I muttered, “Sorry, gross." She really took it personally. FML
Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML
Today, while volunteering to feed the homeless, one of them asked me to follow him to his car where he had a knife and bottle so he could "bottle up my blood". FML
Today, while hanging out with this guy I'm interested in, we turned and made eye contact. We were face to face and I thought he was finally going to kiss me. He decided to lick my face from chin to forehead instead. FML
Today, I was walking on a main street downtown. Suddenly, I felt someone slap my butt. I turned around, expecting to be my girlfriend who was to meet me there and almost gave an old homeless man a kiss on the cheek. FML
Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML
Today, after getting together with the guy who I like, and who actually likes me back, he finally kissed me. Unfortunately, he kisses like he’s trying to suck out my soul. FML
Today, I volunteered at a soup kitchen. During the rounds, a grisly but nice young fellow told me that I had beautiful eyes. I was quite touched; that is until he leaned in and added, "Can I have them for my collection?" FML
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Top comments
GovernorGeneral 8
Everything's an accident nowadays.
Jeffo193 13
Wait, a homeless guy kissed you and your biggest concern is that it wasn't a very good kiss!?
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Comments (109)
hateevryone 15
You should've slapped them.
Jewbenita 0
They thought you were attractive and/or sweet because you helped improve at least one aspect of their otherwise miserable life, you poor thing.
brebuci 7
OMG DEJAVU
blue2012 7
More like your face got raped. Hope u washed & scrubbed your face after that. & that's really gross!
lordEast 6
Uhh baby I have (aids,chlamydia,herpes,all of the above). It's that magical time of the year you know TIME FOR A STD TEST!!!
iseyixes 18
The kiss could have been worse, it could've felt like a leaf blower instead....
SimplyEerb 3
Maybe you shouldn't wear an apron that says 'kiss the chef'
babalooisbabaloo 5
Volunteering, good for you! Getting face vacuumed, not so good.
Mahtari 19
Boil your face.
noisebox 1
Nothing against poor homeless guys but you'll have to use disinfectant on your face and burn all your clothes that you were wearing or send to The CDC