Today, while I was giving a school presentation about life as an injured, deformed soldier, someone asked if the reason I wear an eyepatch is because I'm a pirate. I wouldn't have minded, had I not been presenting to high-school students. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was performing a show about pirates for a youth program. A child started crying because I wasn't a real pirate. A little girl took my defense, saying, "He's a real pirate, his teeth are all yellow!" FML
Today, at a party I told this guy that I really liked his pirate costume. Turns out he wasn't wearing a costume, his eye was shot out with a BB gun. This explains the eye patch. FML
Today, I started my brand new job. I was late because while repairing my favorite pair of high heels, I got Superglue in my eye. They had to scrape my cornea and I have to wear an eye patch. I'm now the "New pirate" in the office. FML
Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML
Today, I was giving a presentation to a group of high school kids about how being 'cool' wasn't as important as they might think. When I was done I asked for questions. A kid says, "Miss, I get that you're not into being cool, but you're wearing your pants inside out." He was right. FML
Today, we didn't have much to do at work, so I struck up a conversation with a coworker I have a crush on - a girl with one arm. I wanted to tell her I thought she was pretty, but I ended up saying I thought she looked like a pirate queen. FML
Today, I was pretending to be a veteran for the US Navy at a local outlet, because I was desperate for cheap stuff. All was going well, until an actual vet pointed out that the ship I had on my naval hat was a fictitious one. Shit. FML
Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed as a pirate. Someone complimented me on how convincing the fake teeth were that I had on for my costume. I wasn't wearing fake teeth. FML
Today, I had to show up at an anti-drugs lecture with full-blown pink eye. It's from an ongoing bacterial infection, but the speaker said he'd heard that excuse a hundred times before, and shamed me in front of everyone. FML
Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML
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Top comments
maharb01 17
thank you for your service
CheekyRaccoon 27
Should've said, aye I lost it battling Colonel White beard for the last peice of chicken, I should of known not to have challenge him for his chicken, but I wanted it so bad, since I hadn't eaten for some time. What I didn't know is that he liked to play dirty when he fights. Long story short I got forked in me eye. I'm sorry if you had lost your eye and not just happened to have the eyepatch for pinkeye.
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Comments (15)
xx000o 27
That sounds about par for todays educational system.
rivenrock 14
Why would you refer to yourself as 'deformed'?
jetblakk990 2
Wow high schoolers are cruel. I'm sorry to hear about that though. You're a Godsend and I'm grateful for your service ❤️
Atmey 5
Best opportunity to make a joke about it and show them the truth, couldn't ask for better.
IHaveThePower 18
Puberty is basically hormone-induced brain damage, PLUS sleep deprivation from forcing them into schedules their bodies don't want to be on, PLUS they're still idiot kids. They'll be a bit better when they're adults and have more sleep and actual brainpower.