Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, 4 miles into a mountain hike with my crush, I suddenly felt a stomach pain, followed by the urge for explosive diarrhea. I had to stand still with my butt clenched to prevent shitting myself. There were no nearby bathrooms, and I didn't have any toilet paper. It was messy. She'll never see me the same. FML
Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
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Top comments
dirton89 7
FYL but hey...you gotta do what you gotta do. She understands hopefully
sleepinginclass 8
You were fine until you said to spray axe.
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Comments (83)
lucianaamelia 21
It's not like she doesn't poo! Oh wait ladies don't poo!
Artsygirl90 14
Turn it into a free pass. Next embarrassing thing that happens to her promise to turn the other cheek.
shan88 14
FYL op. I hope she is understanding. It's an uncontrollable bodily function. You can't be blamed for that
DocBastard 40
Remember this, and remember it well - EVERYONE POOPS. Yes, even women. And everyone grunts and strains every now and then. So get back on that horse, cowboy.
windfuelsfire 10
Hey at least you didn't crap all over her. THEN you wouldnt be able to seduce her. If she's not a prude close minded bitch, shell appreciate your swift reaction and laugh at the situation with you after! :)
OhhhMaryy 12
Wise words :)
doritowhore 9
Hopefully she's a little more mature than that and realizes that, sorry, it's a natural part of being a human. If she can't handle that then good luck in life to her.
Maria_Obligacia 14
If she does not already know that everybody poops, something is really wrong with her. Don't fret it, OP. You need a real woman, not a stuck up princess anyways.
FlyingMonkey228 5
She's grateful you did it first. Seriously. We all have moments so embarrassing it hurts. It's nice for the guy to take that hit first.
edd1987 9
100% right lol
FlyingPie 17
Tell her you were so excited about her that you coild shit.