Today, while baby-proofing the stairs so that my toddler wouldn't fall, I slipped on his toy car, broke the brand new gate while grabbing it so I wouldn't fall down the stairs, and broke my wrist and a rib. My husband should mom-proof the house for me now. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I slipped on my son's Hot Wheels cars and fell onto a building made out of Lego. I now have a fractured tailbone and a broken wrist. I called my husband to tell him what happened and all he could do was laugh. My son didn't leave them on the floor, my husband did. FML
Today, I was babysitting 3 toddlers. I wanted to entertain them by making them laugh, but nothing worked. Later on, I started down the stairs, but tripped and tumbled down. I realized I have broken my arm and bruised my knees. I also realized that kids think it's hilarious when you get injured. FML
Today, while bringing my baby an early-morning bottle, I tripped over a ball and fell into the glass coffee table, smashing it and cutting myself pretty badly. My husband slept through the whole thing, but the neighbors came by to tell me to keep it down. FML
Today, I asked my wife to keep our toddler confined while I hung a shelf. Of course, she didn't, and he came in and picked up a screwdriver. I tried to take it away, and he ran off giggling, only to trip and slice his forehead open. According to my wife, this is entirely my fault and she is taking him to her mom's. FML
Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML
Today, my klutziness reached a new level. I was walking down a flight of stairs, sneezed, and proceeded to fall down, scraping the crap out of my knees and spraining my dominant wrist. FML
Today, I was showing my three year-old that going down the deck steps are perfectly safe. At the top, I tripped on my shoe and fell head first down every step. I now have five stitches and a three year old who won't go anywhere near the deck. FML
Today, I was fixing a leak in the roof. When I was climbing down the ladder, it fell, but I managed to grab the ledge of the roof. The ladder hit my wife's car, then I fell on top of the ladder. My wife came running out to ask what happened to the car. FML
Today, after slipping on my stairs and spraining my ankle, I got a brace and crutches at urgent care. When I went to get into my car, my crutch slipped on some paper and I fell. I crawled back into urgent care, only to learn that my sprained ankle is now broken in 2 places. FML
Today, I slipped on the wet floor at work and sprained my wrist badly. I was carrying the wet floor sign so no one would slip. FML
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Top comments
_Hakuna_Matata_ 12
Well, at least now you and the toddler have one more thing in common lol
Charlie Given 28
Yes Alex I'll take ,Name that inanimate object left out by your child that nearly killed you, for a hundred.🤣🤣🤣
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Comments (11)
chris_lillo 15
What a great business idea!
BurnInDemonFire 39
Was this an outtake from Jackass?
_Hakuna_Matata_ 12
Well, at least now you and the toddler have one more thing in common lol
jen_jalapeno 10
Ouch.
Charlie Given 28
Yes Alex I'll take ,Name that inanimate object left out by your child that nearly killed you, for a hundred.🤣🤣🤣
ohsnapword 21
I found to easiest way to baby-proof my house. A vasectomy. Definitely less risky than putting a gate at the top of the stairs.
BurnInDemonFire 39
As a wise man once said; "Sex is pointless without potency."
boopingsnoot 25
Wasn’t there a murder mystery show with a plot like this? Kid thinks dad pushed mom down the stairs and killed her, but mom actually tripped on the kid’s toys that were left out, and the death was an accident. I think it was an episode of Father Brown.
ViviMage 40
Get a cardboard box and save toilet paper rolls and each car will have its own "garage" to park in. YDI for tripping on a toy. The child needs to be taught to put toys away. These sorts of hazards are the first thing you look for before this project.