Today, while bringing my baby an early-morning bottle, I tripped over a ball and fell into the glass coffee table, smashing it and cutting myself pretty badly. My husband slept through the whole thing, but the neighbors came by to tell me to keep it down. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML
Today, I was walking into my living room when I slipped over the carpet, bashed my head on my glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parents came running when they heard my head bang… straight to the table, to see if there were any scratches on it. FML
Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML
Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML
Today, I woke myself up by slamming my ankle into a glass bottle. FML
Today, I tripped over a laundry basket while carrying my baby niece. Don’t worry, I threw her onto the couch safely. I, however, face-planted into the coffee table. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, at 11 p.m., after getting up for work at 4:45 a.m., I ran up the stairs to go feed my cat. I slipped on something, missed the handrail, then fell down and cracked my head on the tile floor. My hairclip was dead center, so I then had a fun night in the ER while my dang head wouldn't stop bleeding. FML
Today, at three in the morning, I rolled out of bed in my sleep, landing butt-first into my trash can and scraping my arm on my bedside table. I cleaned up the mess I'd made and tried to stop my arm from bleeding. During which, my dad banged on the door and told me to keep it down. FML
Today, my friend hit a glass with her arm, so I dove to try and catch it before it hit the ground and shattered. I hit my head against the table, giving me a nice gash that needed stitches. The glass was actually plastic. FML
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Top comments
DraftHail614 17
Damn. FML reminds me that shitty people still exist.
DraftHail614 17
Bud, allow me to introduce you to Richard. Pretty sure a lot of people know him by now. Not an asshole. His comments are just like that. Usually a hit or miss. Sometimes funny and other times just... no. But he's no asshole I can assure you.
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Comments (8)
RichardPencil 32
Did the baby get the bottle? Your clumsiness ain’t gonna make the baby any less hungry.
wHSKitty 11
You’re an asshole! I’m sure baby got fed AFTER her cuts were taken care of. Although the ball being in the way didn’t help...
DraftHail614 17
Bud, allow me to introduce you to Richard. Pretty sure a lot of people know him by now. Not an asshole. His comments are just like that. Usually a hit or miss. Sometimes funny and other times just... no. But he's no asshole I can assure you.
chubbear 14
Always never funny, tries way too hard.
DraftHail614 17
Damn. FML reminds me that shitty people still exist.
Sheepiebeepie 26
Sounds like you have it easy, I am constantly reminded in my daily life.
DraftHail614 17
I wouldn't go that far. I may not be miserable, but I'm not exactly surrounded by the nicest people either. I mean I work at a Walmart. The ridiculous stories about customers there? Yeah, they happen. Sadly I learned through experience.
Cali 57
If any of these ridiculous stories about customers would make good FMLs, you should submit them!
LebanonBaby 26
Awww you poor thing 😭
_Hakuna_Matata_ 12
Your husband is not to blame because he might be a heavy sleeper, hope you got medical attention tho!
free_parking 3
the neighbors are right, keep it the hell down
Charlie Given 28
Life as a parent, all ya can do is laugh or cry🤣😫
DLBL 23
You deserve it for having a stupid glass coffee table in the first place. At least it was YOU who destroyed it, instead of your baby.
DLBL 23
Of ALL the materials in the world, why do people have GLASS tables? Shows every smudge, makes loud sound whenever you set something on it, and it breaks. Why?