Today, while at work as a lifeguard, an older gentleman who comes in almost every morning wearing a very tight swimming suit, came up to me and said, "I don't want you having any erotic fantasies of me." After a long pause he added, "Actually, I wouldn't mind it if you do." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML
Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML
Today, while life-guarding in a 55+ community, I greeted a man by saying "Good morning Sir!" He responded with, "Cut the shit kid, I'm not that fucking old." FML
Today, I had to point out the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" sign at my work to an extremely old, seemingly intoxicated man wearing an ill fitting speedo. FML
Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML
Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML
Today, I met a new guy at work who wouldn't stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six-hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me that he was her husband. FML
Today, I was working my lifeguard job when I had to remind a 17 year-old boy that water is clear and that I could see him pulling his trunks down to moon his friends. Kind of want to drown myself now. FML
Today, I saw a man at the gym glancing at me. I went over and said, "Are you ogling me?" kind of low key flirtatiously. He said, "No, I'm working out. Don't flatter yourself." FML
Today, while at the waterpark, some guy came up to me and profusely thanked me for wearing a one-piece swimsuit. FML
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Top comments
Lillinette 2
you'd tap that. admit it.
ffmmllyaya 0
confidence ftw
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Comments (280)
darkestofdays 0
Haha u kno u wanted some of that... u dont have to lie
joker125 0
lawl wow how nice watch him turn arnd and smack ur butt
XxDeathCardxX 1
lmao u gotta love old people haha
kellan1100 0
well if not pedophile then all I can say is RAPE ALERT!!!
alykeicarp94 0
so fyl? not tht big of a deal to say fyl?
FMLTrollperson 0
she's a win
aardvarkish 17
An item on my list of phobias does not constitute a fantasy.
MidgetMonster 0
probably thought she was checking him out.
PurelyHabit 0
my bad
PurelyHabit 0
Haha, sounds like he has a sense of humor. Doubt he was being serious
bfffness 0
at least he was man enough to tell you how he feels. aw poor you, your life is so ****** up now cuz some old thinks ur hot