Today, while at work as a lifeguard, an older gentleman who comes in almost every morning wearing a very tight swimming suit, came up to me and said, "I don't want you having any erotic fantasies of me." After a long pause he added, "Actually, I wouldn't mind it if you do." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML
Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML
Today, while life-guarding in a 55+ community, I greeted a man by saying "Good morning Sir!" He responded with, "Cut the shit kid, I'm not that fucking old." FML
Today, I had to point out the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" sign at my work to an extremely old, seemingly intoxicated man wearing an ill fitting speedo. FML
Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML
Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML
Today, I met a new guy at work who wouldn't stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six-hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me that he was her husband. FML
Today, I was working my lifeguard job when I had to remind a 17 year-old boy that water is clear and that I could see him pulling his trunks down to moon his friends. Kind of want to drown myself now. FML
Today, I saw a man at the gym glancing at me. I went over and said, "Are you ogling me?" kind of low key flirtatiously. He said, "No, I'm working out. Don't flatter yourself." FML
Today, while at the waterpark, some guy came up to me and profusely thanked me for wearing a one-piece swimsuit. FML
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Top comments
Lillinette 2
you'd tap that. admit it.
ffmmllyaya 0
confidence ftw
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Comments (280)
chargerfan512 0
sounds like some of the old ppl at the pool I lifeguard at. hilarious
bleedinginside 0
ye
Giorgio272 2
damn baby you got the old men after yo, no need to be scared just embrace it. think of how much cash you can gold dig off the fool bitch. see it as an opportunity instead of a "o **** creeper" moment.
McFail_fml 4
In a while he'll probably be underwater 'discretely' jerking off.
WhatYouThought 0
Chill out. I know plenty of older guys, and the odds are that this guy was joking. Old guys have a sense of humour as well--apparently one that you don't get, haha
gagtjs 0
or he could be a rapist.........
brucesgirl 0
pervert
katmandont 0
Just because he was joking doesn't mean its not an FMD (**** My Day). For all you guys out there, just reverse the genders and picture you're a lifeguard and some old droopy (butt or ****, doesn't matter) gramma is checking you out and making lip-licking gestures while giving you the "cum-hither" stare. (shudder)
WallyTheWombat 0
You're comment made me wanna wet myself. Just thought you should know.
jfletcher1224 0
awkward...
paperisuseful 0
big wup, the guy has a sense of humor....
JustinBieberIsOK 0
weird lol I would yell