Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was in a store with my mom. I wandered off, then walked around looking for her. I spotted her, and decided to put on a ski mask to give her a scare for a laugh. I hid around a corner and yelled "BOO!" when I saw her. It wasn't my mom, and I'm now banned from that store. FML
Today, I pooped in a drug store bathroom but forgot to flush. I left to go find my mom and found her in the toy section. I guess after I had walked away oblivious, a woman had walked into the bathroom behind me and found the kids I'd abandoned. She then came and found my mom and me, then yelled at me. FML
Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to sneak up and scare me in the grocery aisle at the store. I screamed and jumped, knocking half the shelf's contents all over the floor. We're now banned from the only grocery store in town. FML
Today, while shopping at my local grocery store, a young boy came up behind me and pulled my pants down while snickering. I was so shocked and horrified that I dropped the f-bomb. His mother yelled at me for "ruining his innocence". FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML
Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML
Today, I slipped money into my mother's purse after she refused to let me pay for lunch. She caught me in the act and thought I was stealing money from her instead. FML
Today, while I was shopping, I spotted a lady who had the last of an item I wanted in her cart. She went off to the dressing room, so seeing my opportunity, I went and grabbed it from her cart, and put it in mine. I hadn't noticed her bratty-ass daughter next to the cart, who then yelled, “I saw that! Mommy! Some lady's stealing from your cart!” FML
Today, I caught and kicked a shoplifter out of my store. The shoplifter was my mom. FML
Today, at the local mini-mart, I saw an old friend from high school and decided to surprise her with a hug from behind. Turns out, it wasn't her. It was a complete stranger who screamed, then whacked me with her purse. Now I’m banned from the shop. FML
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Top comments
SneakyCaveman 13
Is grabbing your mother's ass a normal thing for you?
Dadothy 8
Even if it was your mom why would you grab her ass?
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Comments (314)
lsd_withdiamonds 7
"I'm so sorry! I thought you were my mom!"
Shamus951 2
West Virginia!!!
steph8391 11
WTF does that mean? And where do u reside? Under a rock?
docscientist 10
So, the fml here is that you grabbed someone's ass who wasn't your mom. I think you got that mixed up.
SwtCherryPie 26
Why the hell would you be trying to grab your mom's ass anyway? WTF is wrong with you?!
obviousboy 8
Who hell grabs their mom's ass?
laurenlovesjb 20
Wow. Why would you do that anyway. You're freaky!
AKPILOT 3
Oh well. Men don't need groceries anyways ;)
Sammislife 5
Wow someone has a problem
RealTalk0 7
I smell a background of incest here..
OhMinty 5
If op is a girl it may be a little less weird.