Today, I came home to shredded tissues all over the floor. I yelled at my dog, who looked guilty but confused. Turns out, it wasn’t him, it was my robot vacuum cleaner again. It had sucked up a bunch of tissues and napkins from under the couch and then spread them all over the place like confetti. I owe my dog an apology. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dog pooped on the floor, and the Roomba my sweet boyfriend bought me as a housewarming gift, ran over it. FML
Today, I finally tested out my new robot vacuum cleaner. My puppy decided she would test it out too by leaving a brown surprise for it to find, which it did. There are now brown marks in every room of the house. FML
Today, I had to buy a new vacuum cleaner. My previous one stopped working, because apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to suck up our puppy's shit from the floor. FML
Today, we got a new Roomba. I set it to clean and came back an hour later to find shit smears all over the floor. Apparently, one of my cats had done his business in the kitchen, and the Roomba had dragged it around the entire first floor of my house. FML
Today, I spent all morning cleaning my house. I was feeling pretty proud of myself until I went to the bathroom, then came back to find my dog had knocked over a trash can and scattered the contents everywhere. She even knocked my favorite mug off the counter. The worst/cutest part? She looked at me as if to say, “I'm helping!” FML
Today, I was feeling lonely, so I turned on my Roomba for some "company." Five minutes in, it got stuck under the couch and started crying for help. Now I’m comforting an appliance because I feel bad for mistreating it. I need therapy. FML
Today, my hammerhead of a dog decided to "help" me clean by grabbing the vacuum cord and dragging it across the house, knocking over everything in its path. The house is somehow messier than before I started. FML
Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML
Today, I finally broke down and paid someone to clean my condo. Sometime after she finished, my cat threw up. Then my roomba went off, smearing regurgitated mackerel all over the freshly washed floors. There goes $150. FML
Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML
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Top comments
Taurus_ChicKa 37
You most certainly do owe the dog an apology. And it was the robot vacuum again? So this is a common occurrence? Maybe stop throwing trash under your couch.
Yudith 28
Yell at the vaccuum cleaner in front of your dog.
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Comments (4)
GoogieWithers 25
Bad owner!
Taurus_ChicKa 37
You most certainly do owe the dog an apology. And it was the robot vacuum again? So this is a common occurrence? Maybe stop throwing trash under your couch.
Yudith 28
Yell at the vaccuum cleaner in front of your dog.
DLBL 23
Dude, even if the dog DID shred the tissues, yelling at him hours later is useless.