Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral, and he got so into it that he grabbed my hair. Just as he was about to climax, he pulled my hair so hard that my extensions came out. I jerked back and hit my head on the wall behind me. He then came in my hair. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML
Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML
Today, I was getting one of the best blow jobs I have ever received. My girlfriend was getting into it when I heard an "uh oh". Her tongue ring got twisted around the hair close to my balls. She started to pull, I started to scream. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. I got a little too enthusiastic during it, and wound up cracking my neck loudly, and had to stop while the pain settled down. FML
Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML
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Top comments
Scands_59 14
Double meaning to giving head!
jweezy89 4
Well I wouldn't take it personally, that kinda pain can make the toughest man cry.
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Comments (78)
Pleonasm 36
Wow I guess you guys don't see eye to "eye" anymore snirk snirk. ANy way you guys took "head to head" to a new level.
zingline89 18
*readjusts pants* What? They were too tight.
TheLittlePug 3
Kinkiness - You're doing it wrong
Quinn32 16
I am actually not so sure... "Kinky-Slang given to unusual, abnormal, or deviant sexual practices." I think we can all agree that headbutting a guy like that is unusual, so kudos to OP for accomplishing being "kinky".
Pleonasm 36
*Takes pants off* What, I'm just watching a soccer match.
zingline89 18
And this is why you don't take sex advice from Willow Smith
DocBastard 40
Because nothing's worse than a regular, simple, garden variety, boring old ********, right? God damn you, E. L. James. You've ruined sex.
zingline89 18
Yes thanks to E.L. James a ******* is no longer acceptable unless is involves handcuffs, a whip, and a butt plug
annie_nk 23
Once again, a female author sets girls expectations of men unrealistically high.
xrudeboyrock 29
My girlfriends and I had quite a few laughs at the unbelievability of those books.
emilyjgraham 34
It was OPs inner goddess that told her to do this. Why would someone want their belly whipped with hair anyway?
zingline89 18
*never eats a cucumber again* No explanation needed.
Pleonasm 36
*Chokes the chicken* What? A man's gotta eat, and nothing beats a good slab of white meat.
pedosmurf 7
Wow that's terrible I wouldn't let you touch me either how do you even head but someone's dick? O.o
frottiejoy 7
well its possible obviously
emilyjgraham 34
well, I'm going to guess she was down there doing the deed, decided to be kinky and without moving away from the penis flung her hair forward and head butted his willy.
xrudeboyrock 29
I'm trying to figure out how whipping someone with your ponytail during a ******* would be anything but awkward.
The_F3rris 11
Same. Tried to picture it in my head and no matter what it just looks strange.