Today, my daughter is too crafty for her own good: she found out I was planning on driving her to her first date to meet a boy, so she let the air out of my car tyres, removed my bike chain, and even stole my bus pass. I taught her well. Well played daughter, well played. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter's boyfriend came to the house to pick her up. As a responsible father, I had an evil plan to torture the boy who dares date my girl, but my wife preempted my plan so during his short visit, she stood behind me the whole time with her taser down my buttcrack in case I acted up. FML
Today, I woke up to find my 6-year-old daughter had duct taped me to my bed and dropped my wallet down the toilet. Well played. FML
Today, my daughter's idea of a prank was taking all of our money and getting herself arrested. FML
Today, I learned that my daughter pocketed the money I'd paid so she could go to college. FML
Today, after her very first driving lesson, my daughter came home claiming she did really well. Which is suspicious since her instructor was at that moment on the phone with me yelling, saying I must be crazy if I think she’s ever getting in his car again, and that I should explain to her what a bus pass is. FML
Today, I followed my daughter and found out she wasn’t with friends, she was on a date. I confronted her about the lie, but she takes after her mother, a lawyer, and steamrollered over me about invading her privacy, so even though she lied, she somehow has the moral high ground. FML
Today, my stepdaughter unexpectedly got her first period during a visit. I explained everything to her, then took her to the store to buy supplies and snacks. Her mother called and cussed me out for “stealing” this experience from her. Yeah I totally planned it to happen this way. FML
Today, while going through my daughter’s room, I found a pair of pants with the security tag still attached. My daughter is a thief. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter has been stuffing my push-up bras and lipstick into her backpack, putting them on at school, and taking them off before she gets home. She's 9. The only reason I found out is because her teacher reported me to social services. FML
Today, my daughter somehow got a hold of the lighter we keep on top of the fridge. I found this out when she snuck up behind me and thought it would be fun to set my hair on fire. FML
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Top comments
Plop 17
I'd say she's perfectly as crafty as she needs to be for her own good, especially if that means keeping your invasive ass out of her private affairs and love life.
1known 34
Why would you take her to a date if she didn’t ask you?
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Comments (12)
MidnaLink 35
One tire, I'll understand. All four, pointless. Also, the bike chain? Was it a bicycle built for two? Bus pass was a nice touch though.
Anderling 33
You can just seat the passenger on the luggage rack of a bike. You can see it everywhere in the Netherlands. Daughter was in all likelihood correct to assume OP would demand to do that to take her to her date.
RichardPencil 32
Take an Uber. Nice try, kid!
Plop 17
I'd say she's perfectly as crafty as she needs to be for her own good, especially if that means keeping your invasive ass out of her private affairs and love life.
jc1015 25
and this non parenting parenting style is the exact reason we have so many entitled little douchebags running around. you don't get private affairs till you can work and pay your own way. sorry not sorry
1known 34
Why would you take her to a date if she didn’t ask you?
ayaaya 16
I swear, it’s always these dads who don’t know how to mind their own business 🙄 leave your daughter and her private life alone ..
D J's MOM 17
a. if you're that protective, have the boy pick her up to me you. b. for all those things she did, she should be grounded.. c. is she such a bad kid that you can't give her some space?
bmepm3 8
Response to this depends entirely on the age of the daughter. Under a certain age and it’s certainly reasonable to meet the people (boy/girl/purple) that your children are hanging out with. Over that age a polite request to meet them and then back off. At some point kids have to grow up but it is our job as parents to help them.
Thaylok 17
the rule in our house was that for any 1st date, the boy would start with dinner with us. then they can go off to a movie or putt putt or whatever. and to cut off one line of thinking, I never threatened the boys with shooting them in fact I promised I would never do something so quick and painless.
Jesse Duff 15
on the other hand, she's definitely able to handle herself with those kind of skills
xaddrus 17
why the **** are you forcing your daughter to go on dates? YDI and i hope the daughter is lesbian