Today, there was a huge spider on my ceiling, so I grabbed a shoe to deal with it. Just as I jumped up to smush it, my idiot brother flicked the light off. I missed the spider, but it didn't miss my face as the impact caused it to fall. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when I noticed the huge spider above my head. Now, being the smart person I am, I sprayed the water up at it, causing it to fall. Right on my face. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML
Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML
Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML
Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
Today, while taking a shower, a spider fell from the ceiling onto my foot. I took down my shower head to wash it down the drain, and in the process, got soap in my eye and rammed my head into the wall. FML
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Top comments
lexiieeex3 32
Did your brother flick the switch off on purpose? That would be a major dick move. You don't **** with people when spiders are involved.
katelng09 16
Spiders are dicks
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Comments (62)
Tomedn 16
At least you knew where it was in the dark
bella_nana347 23
The most important thing here is: is the spider dead?
shady_fox77 13
Let's try to think positively. Maybe the little demon just wanted to give your face a hug?
Lalala579121 28
Yeah, it's probably just a Headcrab.
Squallleon 12
Given that you're in Australia, I'm surprised you survived that spider op.
ThreeSheets 14
I agree.
False_Stupidity 42
Believe it or not, we do have mostly harmless ones too!
Auromo 14
My advice, hope for super powers.
General_Cool 24
Amateur. Should have had akimbo flamethrowers
ragnarok1540 39
I guess you have no choice left but to light yourself on fire. May as well burn down the entire house just to be safe. If you survive, you can sleep safe knowing the spider did not.
Lalala579121 28
Did you smack yourself in the face when the spider landed on it?
WinterChild 20
Normally I'd say "but did you die" but since you're from Australia there's a very high chance of a spider killing you.
screamviolenc3 19
Oh no! That sucks OP!