Today, there was a huge spider on my ceiling, so I grabbed a shoe to deal with it. Just as I jumped up to smush it, my idiot brother flicked the light off. I missed the spider, but it didn't miss my face as the impact caused it to fall. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when I noticed the huge spider above my head. Now, being the smart person I am, I sprayed the water up at it, causing it to fall. Right on my face. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML
Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML
Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML
Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
Today, while taking a shower, a spider fell from the ceiling onto my foot. I took down my shower head to wash it down the drain, and in the process, got soap in my eye and rammed my head into the wall. FML
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Top comments
lexiieeex3 32
Did your brother flick the switch off on purpose? That would be a major dick move. You don't **** with people when spiders are involved.
katelng09 16
Spiders are dicks
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Comments (62)
loueasy 23
YDI for trying to kill an innocent spider.
bushada 18
Considering you live in Australia I'm surprised you're alive to share this story OP.
teacupofsunshine 29
As I read this fml I couldn't help myself to look around if there was a spider near me ..gave me the no feeling.
Rintarok5 29
Sorry mate, but you're going to have to burn your face off, but not before you throw the spider on your bro for being a dick.
lavapants 15
YDI for trying to squash the spider.
stewpididiot 11
you're all idiots...leave the spiders alone and they will leave you alone .
Drummergurl92 5
Your brother is a Dick lol should unleash a bunch of spiders on him when he's sleeping see how he likes it.
thetruckboy 6
how hard did you kick your bro in the balls?
kaymo2 21
I feel so bad for spiders, they kill gross germ-carrying flies yet people still hate them and try to kill them
Jenbearish 23
That sucks. I'm hoping it was just a huntsman (pretty friendly, no interest in hurting anyone). It's the little, down low ones you've got to watch out for.