Today, the police came to my door and told me about a woman who called the cops on me because she said that I had been following her in my car. We were on the highway. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML
Today, I noticed a car following me all the way to my house. It was dark so I got really nervous and called the police. The person got out of the car. It was my mom. FML
Today, I called the cops to let them know that a drunk man was driving dangerously down my road. About an hour later, I was going to the store and got pulled over for speeding by the cop I called. FML
Today, I had to call the police to get my crazy stalker of a neighbor out of my house. When the police arrived, I found out that she was friends with the officer. FML
Today, I was driving when a woman started crossing the street against the light at the upcoming intersection, so I slammed on the brakes and stopped short of hitting her. That's when she intentionally jumped onto my car and started screaming that I had "mowed her down". The cops believed her. FML
Today, I stopped and helped a young lady stuck on the side of the road. Guess who got accused of forcing myself and got charged with impersonating a police officer. FML
Today, I was speeding a little on the highway. I thought I saw a police car, so I slammed on my brakes, causing the person behind me to rear end me. The "police car" I saw was just a broken down car on the side of the road. FML
Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML
Today, I decided I'd take a nap in my car because I got to work very early. As I was waking up from my nap, I saw a cop looking right at me. Turns out, a lady who'd parked her car right next to mine after I was asleep had called the cops on me because she thought I was dead. FML
Today, I ran into the woman who hit my car and drove off three days ago. She was my bank teller. I called 911; she pressed the silent alarm. Guess whose story the cops believed. FML
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Top comments
JessiGoose 0
Wow okay, Really? You DID end up at your house though right? Not hers. So it's obvious that you weren't following her. Is she that dumb and paranoid? Jesus christ. I mean I've had some creepy guys who follow me to places, but I watch them and try not to assume.
littlegolferboy 4
Actually it clearly says Canada, but nice try.
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Comments (50)
Dutchie2010 0
FHL cause she's so ******* paranoid and needs help
FPsLife 5
The FML says nothing about where she lives. Maybe since he actually WASN'T following her, he didn't notice she pulled into the same neighborhood. The rest of the information could have been received from the police.
kile88 2
as I said, it would make more sense IF he wrote she lived near him, also would e alot funnier. I think this fml is bs
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
OP failed to answer the most pressing question - were you following her? I believe you were. I also believe the OP pissed this lady off and tried conducting the "raep" with her azaleas. You are a sick man.
conartist66 0
wtf, he wasn't following her, he was behind her in trafic on the highway
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
May I ask how you know he was behind her on the highway and not following her? The FML just says "We were on the highway," and nothing more. We can assume that he was tailgating like #5 said, but the OP could have also been one lane over the entire way for all we know (and you can follow people this way, too). Either way, the lady needs to to stop thinking people are out to get her because they are and there is nothing she can do about it. The OP never said whether or not he was following her, so I stand by my original statement. However, I retract the second part and instead conclude that he tried "raeping" her mailbox because azaleas aren't as sexy anymore.
janise 2
Well technically if they were on the highway and he was behind her then he was following her. What else was he supposed to do if they were going in the same direction and she was going faster than him or he was unable to pass for some other reason? There's a difference between following someone b/c you are for lack of a better word "stalking" them and following b/c you have no other choice.
perdix 31
She could have noticed that you were constantly shifting the stick, and when the cop pulled you over, we learned you drive an automatic.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
I had to read this one twice, perdix. This made me LOL.
icanfloat12 0
that paranoid biitch the cops are if your In life threatening danger
crzylion 0
this only becomes funnier if you take into account the cops had to have asked her where this happenned, and still decided to check in on the op
Vaetrus 0
Agreed! Also #23!
MisterZzyzx 0
Bitches be crazy!
usernamesarehard 4
I say you hire seven proffesionals to stalk her inividually. Then she'd have reason to be paranoid xD
jessxoxo28 5
lmao!!! wow, she must be so full of her self to think that u would be following... on a highway, lmoa!