Today, thanks to an idiotic, "hilariously edgy" advert that screened in the very early evening, my 6-year-old son keeps repeating the phrase "I want a vasectomy" to everyone he sees. I've never received so many dirty looks in my life. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, feeling desperate, I asked my dad for advice on how to get a girl. He asked me why I want to even date. I panicked and said I just wanted to make someone happy. He told me that if I wanted to make someone happy, I should "just start by getting a goddamn vasectomy". FML
Today, I was at a grocery store with my 3 year old son. As I was picking a cereal out, an older man comes over and says, "You should have used condoms. What an ugly boy." FML
Today, my in-laws were visiting. My mother-in-law asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He said "A pimp!" I have no idea where he even heard the word, but the death glares my in-laws gave me made me want to shrivel up and die. FML
Today, I went to a Father's Day lunch with my dad and his fiancée. He suddenly began to describe, in detail, the vasectomy he'd just had, and that I shouldn't be expecting any new siblings any time soon. Thanks for the mental image, Dad. FML
Today, while we had my husband's boss over, my 3-year-old son decided to burst into the living room naked and yell, "Mum, look! Penis!" and wiggle it around. FML
Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML
Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML
Today, I had to profusely apologize to a woman after my six year old son decided to crawl between her legs at the supermarket, then look up her skirt and loudly ask why she didn't have any panties on. FML
Today, my nine year old son went around telling everyone that me and my husband had a "foursome" last month. It turns out that some douchebag counselor at the camp he goes to thought it would be funny to tell him that a foursome was a divorce. All of his friend's parents think we're kinky freaks. FML
Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML
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Top comments
misspandamonium 27
Well, look on the bright side; your son has excellent eloquence. Most six-year-olds can't pronounce vasectomy.
Welshite 40
Some advertisements and commercials have gotten ridiculous nowadays.I remember sitting with my parents when ads for erectile dysfunction and a healthy sex life came on. It was a silent, awkward 45 seconds every time.
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Comments (73)
ThatGuyWhoTalks 10
Your mom is Mr. Krabs?
lois2113 6
uhm, what?
ThatGuyWhoTalks 10
Idk, switched my posts. I was commenting on the toilet flush and wash hands once a day post and my comment was posted here.
PenguinBitch 44
Wrong FML #2 :)
lois2113 6
#6 ohh okay.
ThatGuyWhoTalks 10
I hope a moderator deletes mu post. I feel stupid now xP
worldclassrager 41
Just post again...
ironichalibut 24
Vasectomies save money, and Saturday nights.
PenguinBitch 44
You're probably wishing you've had one huh?
misspandamonium 27
Well, look on the bright side; your son has excellent eloquence. Most six-year-olds can't pronounce vasectomy.
Azeri_fml 11
Do you mean excellent pronunciation?
Zebediabolical 45
*elocution At least I think that's the word you meant. Eloquence is choosing the right words for flowing and persuasive speech. Elocution is pronouncing them properly and forcefully like a professional politician. I'm not sure either really fits.
MrSassypants 34
I think it is elocution. Most politicians main concerns have to deal with vasectomies and whatnot, right? RIGHT!?
ironichalibut 24
Sounds like a wrestlers handle. THE ELOCUTIONER! Bringing pain and well worded insults to the ring.
Welshite 40
Some advertisements and commercials have gotten ridiculous nowadays.I remember sitting with my parents when ads for erectile dysfunction and a healthy sex life came on. It was a silent, awkward 45 seconds every time.
bethers_ 22
This is Bob. Bob has a BIG spring of confidence...
monnanon 14
this is a grocery store ad tho. look up Aldi nappy advert and you'll probably see it.
SpamPam 18
He could have said "I want to get my tubes tied!"
annie_nk 23
Sometimes I wonder if those who give dirty looks ever had kids. Kids are very impressionable and repeat almost everything they see. Plus it's not always the parents fault if the kid says something dirty or off the wall.
lilhellian 27
My mom actually told me about how when I was about five. Someone was yelling random curses, I ended up yelling them at my teacher.
annie_nk 23
That's funny! I'm sure every kid has one of those moments. When I was a kid, my sister told me that giving someone the middle finger meant I love you. I immediately ran to my mom and flipped her off. :S
raven_of_azarath 35
But parents can't monitor their kids 24/7. There's when they are at friends' houses, or being watched at a baby sitter. Plus kids movies are filled with innuendos.
zango1 15
Sucks in the short term term but eventually you'll see the funny side because that is funny as hell.
Enslaved 38
The first time he said it, you should have pulled him to the side and explained that it's when they cut him under his pee-pee (or whatever terms your call his privates). If he continues to say it after that, you have much bigger problems than his great parroting skills.
Olympiakos10 15
Kids are better parrots than parrots.
nbandofbrothers 10
Well at least he won't ever get a girl pregnant.
kumonsucks 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Just if your curious, a vasectomy is when your testicles are basically tied up in a way so you cant **** no more.
annie_nk 23
Um no. Your testicles don't get tied (ow!). A tube gets snipped. And you still ****. It's semen that comes out, not sperm.
DocBastard 40
Kumonsucks - *you're curious *any more Maybe if you paid more attention in Kumon your grammar wouldn't suck. Oh, and your explanation of a vasectomy sucks too.
botanistjessica 24
Yeah, they snip the vas deferens (tube from which sperm ejects into the semen from the seminal vesicles). Vasectomies can also be reversed. They're pretty minimally invasive, compared to the lady version.
GhostChickens 17
I laughed for longer than I should have at this comment. The mental image of balls knotted together was just too much.