Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were downtown when he pointed to a girl and said he wished I dressed more like she did. She was obviously a hooker. FML
Today, I tried to use a corny pickup line on my crush, but my mind blanked and instead of, "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" I blurted, "Did you fall?" He just stared at me and said, "What?" FML
Today, at the supermarket, a guy started yelling at me for staring at his "woman." She frankly looked like someone had carved Mick Jagger's face into a turd. When I told him I have better things to do than ogle random women, he started harassing me for being "a queer." FML
Today, at Walmart, a lady came up to me and informed me that I "look like the kinda skank that'd give it up on the first date". FML
Today, while I was out shopping, a fairly hideous-looking woman stormed up to me and accused me of ogling her, saying, "As if I'd ever date you!" Less than a minute later, she'd somehow managed to bully me into falsely admitting to it and apologizing. FML
Today, at work, I was making an appointment for an old lady who told me, "You look like a movie star!" I started to thank her when she followed up with, "Like that girl from the horror movie! Your black hair and pale skin makes you look scary! Oh, sorry…" with the coworker I hate the most sitting right next to me. FML
Today, I was shopping in the mall. A cute store worker kept checking me out, so after I picked a few things I went up to her and started flirting. After a few seconds, she cut me off and said, "Actually I was watching you because you look like someone who would shoplift." FML
Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone" in a seductive tone. FML
Today, I had to dress like a diva for a drama performance and my friend said I looked like a hooker. Then someone said, “If hookers looked like that, they wouldn't get any money." FML
Today, a guy told me that I look like Angelina Jolie. Before I could thank him, he continued, "I mean like in the chest area. After the mastectomy, you know?" FML
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Top comments
Tarlachia 33
"Sorry, in life, I had standards. In death, you still don't meet them."
nofreeusernames 10
Shitbird is my new favourite word. Thank you.
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Comments (93)
RoseFox0029 22
And they say romance is dead.
Gauzy21 12
So did ha get some D?
SamBeast 18
mothafuckas are nasty these days
whoknew1 3
Thats hilarious! Not because he disrespected you but because there are actually dumbasses like that walking the planet. ******* idiots.
Eivana 37
That would certainly get my attention all right.
pinque 19
At least he knows what he wants
Jack_Me_Off_Jerk 5
I'd hit it
marigoldcobain 21
Man, if there were just three words subtracted from that sentence it would have been a rather nice compliment. Maybe the guy had mental problems or something, FYL.
False_Stupidity 42
I'm guessing the last three words.
CaroAurelia 12
Being compared to Marilyn Monroe = awesome. Being compared to a corpse (even Marilyn Monroe's) = not awesome. Did he seriously think that would work?
DrHeistenberg 4
Why are you going out dressed as a corpse?