Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom got a cat. I'm allergic to cats, so I politely asked my mom why she got it. Her response: "I want you to finally want to move out." I turned eighteen two weeks ago. FML
Today, I told my wife if she wanted to get a divorce, she just had to get a cat since I'm deathly allergic. She got two. FML
Today, I told my mom I'm severely allergic to my cat and that the doctor told me it would be best to get rid of the cat. Somewhat jokingly, I told her it was either me or the cat. She chose the cat. She was serious too. FML
Today, my boyfriend woke up wheezing terribly, aching, and sneezing. He's allergic to cats. I have 2 and they are my babies. He gave me an ultimatum, him or the cats. I haven't figured out how I'm going to tell him that I choose the cats. FML
Today, I was at the doctor's getting a check up. He asked me if I was allergic to anything, to which I blurted out, "Cats." He gave me a weird look and said, "Don't worry, I won't give you cats." FML
Today, after 25 years living with my dad, who is highly allergic to cats, I was finally able to adopt two kittens to live in my new place, just like I have always wanted. Guess who else is highly allergic to cats? Me, it seems. FML
Today, after being diagnosed with cat allergies, I explained to my cat-loving boyfriend that the doctor strongly recommended not allowing the cat in the bedroom. At 1:30 a.m. my boyfriend got out of the bed to go sleep in the spare room because, "the cat is sad." FML
Today, my four-year-old asked me when I was going to die. I replied "Not for a long time, why?" He looked at me and stated "Because I only want to live with Daddy." FML
Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML
Today, I went to the doctor to find out why I've been feeling so sick the past several weeks. Turns out, I'm severely allergic to the cat of my girlfriend of two years. I told her "It's me or the cat." She chose the cat. FML
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Top comments
Curtieeeez 0
You gotta love kids ;D
purple5 0
Hehe, cute! She's only three, so I wouldn't take her too seriously :3
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Comments (160)
youaresofucked 0
BEWARE. YOUR KIDS ARE PLOTTING YOUR DEMISE!
dontturnaway4 0
haha thats funny though.
Raiden91 0
Lmao that is hilarious. #25 oh my god i couldn't stop laughing.
Jakester 0
Oh those darn kids. :) That is really funny! I love kid humor it makes me smile knowing that I was like that back in my kiddie years :)
shameonmedude 0
THEY ARE THREE!!!!!!! WHY WOULD YOU TAKE ANYTHING A THREE YEAR OLD SAYS SERIOUSLY AND HAVE YOUR LIFE BE ****** BECAUSE OF IT?!?!?!??!?!?!? waaa waaa waaa my 3 YEAR OLD daughters want me to die so they can get a cat.....my life is sooooooooooo ******!!!! THEY ARE THREE YOU WHINY DICKLESS ASSHOLE!!! GET THE **** OVER IT! god damn!
Rawrrr14 0
So..... can they get a cat when you die??? lol I wonder what your answer was to that.... whoa #68..... its ok..... breathe.....
shameonmedude 0
eat shit #69
Rawrrr14 0
wow. good one #70
darkmis1 18
Haha! U gotta luv lil kids. But don't worry-she's only 3 she dznt mean it :-)
FoundManyLemons 0
#68: Maybe he doesn't want his kids to try to kill him in his sleep because, as #66 says, they don't understand the concept of death? OP: Time to get those children an existential understanding of your unique personhood and their own mortality. Nothing like absolute terror to stop shit like that and start them on the path to developing a moral sense. :-)