Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML
Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML
Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, after my 4 year-old was so excited to be a big sister, hugging my belly every chance she got, counting down the days till the due date, my son was born this morning. She took one look at him and declared, “I don’t like him, leave him here, do we have to keep him?” then started crying. FML
Today, my husband and I broke the news that I'm pregnant. Our 8-year-old son's reactions so far have been crying inconsolably, trying to punch me in the stomach, and swearing that he won't let me give him a brother or sister. FML
Today, my daughter and her boyfriend excitedly told me that after months of trying they are finally pregnant and that I'm going to be a grandmother. This would be great news if they weren't 15. FML
Today, my husband and I announced at a family get-together that I'm pregnant with our fourth child. My dad sighed, and spent the rest of the evening acting moody, and eventually muttering about how he'd raised a "damned broodmare." FML
Today, after my wife gave birth to another of our daughters, she announced that this was the last one. When I reminded her I still needed a son to carry on my name, she replied, "Well, you've got four girls. You want a boy? Birth him yourself!" FML
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
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Top comments
Iamnotmyself 17
Beer is my child, how dare you !
jewknowit710 2
time to get her a puppy I'de say!
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Comments (112)
Iamnotmyself 17
Beer is my child, how dare you !
supernerd352 7
everyone will read this comment muhahahaha
supernerd352 7
everyone will read this comment muhahahaha
Tristyxxx 24
not everyone but anyone who clicks on the original commenters replies.
daisyloo 7
Good luck with the pregnancy!
supernerd352 7
.. you ruined my hapiness.. i will FYL up
Iamnotmyself 17
-10 Err so you're saying that Darth Maul is Darth Vader's great grandpa?
supernerd352 7
they deleted my comment
that1kid82 2
Congratulations!
lbumbblebee 5
Some beer gut you got there, if you look pregnant xD
party_rockin 4
stay thirsty my friends
livin_plur 0
28 that made me laugh
Nosrebor 8
28- ****** A!
tatababe 1
stop drinking beer that baby will be born deformed
Yodaevil 4
it's not a beer gut, you need padding to protect those six pack abs we all work so hard at!
dolphincheddar 10
god dammit. you all are not helping with my alcohol problem.. there goes another 40 ounce of captain Morgan spiced..
Opium_Production 5
Capt Morgan doesn't come in a 40 oz genius
Madiluvsyuh98 2
52- umm i dont really think they care. men want beer and beer satisfys their needs..IF you know what i mean...
kenharb 4
thank you captain obvious T.T
MrFlintstone 5
end of 45's sentence: turtle
grapisy 8
****** A turtle? I see what you did there ?
scrapmetal58 9
He's going to give birth to a couple of cases of beer!
MyScrewedUpLifeS 0
there will be sibling rivalry. beer will be loved more then the daughter.
zuzupetalsYO 11
there's so many things wrong with this FML hahaha
Pawned71 0
62 that's not true I baby sit my neighbor's kids and I love them(no pedo no ****). Now go make me sandwhich!
jewknowit710 2
time to get her a puppy I'de say!
iSitt 0
after all that, showing up with a puppy would really confuse her.
LuHGiiiT 11
Wait, how did the first kid get there? 0_o
IxLovexYouuuu 6
is it a boy or girl!?
Aim4thebullseye 4
it's a jack daniels
Tristyxxx 24
Ummm congrats !
jambrose73 0
Courage the cowardly dog Ftw! That show and the grim adventures of Billy and Mandy where the only two cartoons I really liked.
applesuckers 0
I agree with Courage the Cowardly Dog. That show is awesome!!! ?
applesuckers 0
oops. that question mark wasn't supposed to be there.
knocking 0
She's going to be disappointed when you don't pop out a baby in 9 months.
camelcaseftw 1
if she doesn't know men can't have babies, do u think she will know how long pregnancy will last?
knocking 0
I think she'll realize something is up whenever a birthday or two passes for her and their is still no baby.
cyanidesandwich 21
looks like its time to get an abortion my dear sir
cyanidesandwich 21
wow i guess i went a little too far. my bad
alpinestarsss 0
I thought it was funny. death to baby's!
Insane_Tea 15
Mommy and Daddy sittin' in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G First comes love, then comes marriage Then comes an abrupt, tragic miscarriage Mommy leaves Daddy and takes the tree D-I-V-O-R-C-E!!
kittykat1501 31
Hahaha I've seen that before! The saying, I mean.
Snowble11 13
What about the pregnant man?
Tristyxxx 24
"He" was actually a girl that got a sex change operation but decided to keep the female parts.
ByteCarter97 0
not really a man. I hate it when people say "it's not the genitalia that matter"
josebeto1 6
time to get a treadmill :D
sandmancometh 3
Cute kid
BIEBERSLAYER 10
thats got to be an impressive beer gut
ilovecookies83 0
That should be a good enough incentive to hit the gym!