Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML
Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML
Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, after my 4 year-old was so excited to be a big sister, hugging my belly every chance she got, counting down the days till the due date, my son was born this morning. She took one look at him and declared, “I don’t like him, leave him here, do we have to keep him?” then started crying. FML
Today, my husband and I broke the news that I'm pregnant. Our 8-year-old son's reactions so far have been crying inconsolably, trying to punch me in the stomach, and swearing that he won't let me give him a brother or sister. FML
Today, my daughter and her boyfriend excitedly told me that after months of trying they are finally pregnant and that I'm going to be a grandmother. This would be great news if they weren't 15. FML
Today, my husband and I announced at a family get-together that I'm pregnant with our fourth child. My dad sighed, and spent the rest of the evening acting moody, and eventually muttering about how he'd raised a "damned broodmare." FML
Today, after my wife gave birth to another of our daughters, she announced that this was the last one. When I reminded her I still needed a son to carry on my name, she replied, "Well, you've got four girls. You want a boy? Birth him yourself!" FML
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
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Top comments
Iamnotmyself 17
Beer is my child, how dare you !
jewknowit710 2
time to get her a puppy I'de say!
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Comments (112)
hateevryone 15
lol congratulations on your pregnancy
Countrygirl5 8
aww haha cutee
lizardlols 0
are you my stepdad? :3
missjet 0
adopt
ilikeme_fml 2
well that gives u a reason to get fatter each month!
white_mouse 0
YDI for being cissexist more than anything.
Uneedanapbro 6
No one ever pays me in delicious trident gum :(
fierystage 8
Uh, no scare quotes please. Lots of trans men don't get genital surgery and they are not "girls."
Offensive_fml 4
It's a good time to start dieting.
justbigbs 6
Better get teddy bear ready to come out of your as*. Otherwise you might have to work out and flatten down to tell your kid, the baby decided to go to god instead.