Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML
Today, I heard my surgeon mutter to a nurse how easy it would be to kill me on the operating table and make it look like an accident. FML
Today, I went in for surgery. All my life, my biggest fear has been that the anesthesia would paralyze me, but not actually put me to sleep. The doctors assured me the chances of that are almost none. You can probably guess how my surgery went. FML
Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML
Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML
Today, I was told by a doctor that I have a fatal disease, and that I should start making preparations for when I pass away. Then, another doctor showed up, panicking, and said that was meant for someone else with the same first name as me. The mini-heart attack I had at that moment almost killed me anyway. FML
Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awaken during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML
Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. Apparently the medicines don't work on me. I woke up in the middle of the surgery and felt EVERYTHING. One of the nurses asked if I was okay, and the doctor just kept saying "Don't worry she's just dreaming", while tears were pouring down my face. FML
Today, I'm having heart surgery. The doc came in, donut in one hand and papers in another. While I was filling them out, his hands kept trembling, and he dropped the donut on the floor. He fumbled to pick it up and kept eating. The guy I'm entrusting my life to doesn't even respect the five-second rule. FML
Today, after months of being told I have pneumonia by different doctors, I decided to go to another hospital with better staff. There I learned that I will actually need to have open heart surgery to replace two valves in my heart. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DocBastard 40
It's like I always say, prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Then again, hope is not a very good diagnostic or therapeutic tool.
tencentsakiss 19
This sucks, but they have to be honest with you about the risk.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (93)
tannara 12
Hope all goes well
jayceejaco 15
Awe doc!
ImTheAlpha 30
DocCunt doesn't flow as nicely as DocBastard. Now, DocDick on the other hand... Nah, that still sucks. Someone, come up with a better name for DocCunt!
DocBastard 40
I was strongly considering "DocAsshole" when I first registered many moons ago, but Didi, Sirin, and Alan ganged up on me and threatened to anally violate me with a Coke bottle if I didn't tone it down. It has been DocBastard ever since. My profile picture isn't me, honest. No really, it isn't. I swear.
graceinsheepwear 34
DocBastard is the toned down alternative to DocAsshole? Interesting hierarchy of profanity. DocBastard IS better but I wouldn't say toned down.
j_729 18
DocBastard just sounds good.
Beepbeep7 14
Docbastard, I myself love the name and enjoy reading your comments on here.
jennabeigh 7
Yeah, as a nurse it's basically standard procedure to inform about the risks. It's a part of the "informed consent" haha :)
1dvs_bstd 41
You'll be fine! im sure the doc is obligated to tell you the risks.. y'know for legal purposes and shit.. it'll good smoothly, try to worry less bro, gluck.
perdix 31
Did he ask if your wife looks hot in Widow Black?
JM71195 9
FYL for having to get the surgery but they kinda have to tell you that stuff because by law they to tell you EVERYTHING that could possibly happen and has happened
TedNg 8
Totally reminds me of that sham doctor in Family Guy!
Futacy 30
Do you have any idea how expensive medical school is!? Well I bet it's pretty expensive.
1dvs_bstd 41
Homer's triple bypass here!
yeongji 31
It is better to hear it from the surgeon than from someone else. Good luck on your surgery!
perdix 31
Oh, you thought your lifetime of drinking, smoking and eating fried foods on the couch would be fixed up with the convenience of a haircut? If you've made it to the point where you require bypass surgery, you've cheated death once already!
obviousboy 8
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that he did something (or was not doing things he should have) and that he didn't suddenly wake up one morning and need a heart bypass.
hooligyn123 18
I know a very in shape 52 year old marathon runner who went in for a routine check up and wound up finding out he needed a triple heart bypass, the doctors were surprised he hasn't had severe symptoms at that point... Sometimes its other causes than cheeseburgers...
DocBastard 40
Obviousboy - The difference between you and perdix is that he was making a joke. You are just an idiot.