Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML
Today, I heard my surgeon mutter to a nurse how easy it would be to kill me on the operating table and make it look like an accident. FML
Today, I went in for surgery. All my life, my biggest fear has been that the anesthesia would paralyze me, but not actually put me to sleep. The doctors assured me the chances of that are almost none. You can probably guess how my surgery went. FML
Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML
Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML
Today, I was told by a doctor that I have a fatal disease, and that I should start making preparations for when I pass away. Then, another doctor showed up, panicking, and said that was meant for someone else with the same first name as me. The mini-heart attack I had at that moment almost killed me anyway. FML
Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awaken during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML
Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. Apparently the medicines don't work on me. I woke up in the middle of the surgery and felt EVERYTHING. One of the nurses asked if I was okay, and the doctor just kept saying "Don't worry she's just dreaming", while tears were pouring down my face. FML
Today, I'm having heart surgery. The doc came in, donut in one hand and papers in another. While I was filling them out, his hands kept trembling, and he dropped the donut on the floor. He fumbled to pick it up and kept eating. The guy I'm entrusting my life to doesn't even respect the five-second rule. FML
Today, after months of being told I have pneumonia by different doctors, I decided to go to another hospital with better staff. There I learned that I will actually need to have open heart surgery to replace two valves in my heart. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
It's like I always say, prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Then again, hope is not a very good diagnostic or therapeutic tool.
tencentsakiss 19
This sucks, but they have to be honest with you about the risk.
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Comments (93)
tencentsakiss 19
This sucks, but they have to be honest with you about the risk.
raddybear 11
They have to tell the risk. But that will never happen to you everything will be ok.
euphoricness 28
I bet when OP heard those risks, she needed the surgery even more than before
michaelaranda 28
number 9, that's just not necessarily true. op, good luck with your surgery. oh and btw, awesome name.
xXxGraveStonexXx 20
There is a small chance that those bad things will happen. Good luck OP.(:
soccerstar1996 18
Docbastard hasn't commented yet?
NagainaFier 16
You, number #59, should have continued scrolling; Doc is #11. So yes, yes he did reply.
MrsDruidess 23
these things can happen, should have laid off the fried food . . . just sayin
awsamb 8
gayy
MikaykayUnicorn 36
so no one's gonna mention op's username?
CJB3228 17
That takes hope for the best, prepare for the worst to a whole new level.
greenmen 12
You better do it will make your life 10 years longer did for my grandpa he is still very healthy 90.
alicespoons 17
Good luck!!
_parth 20
More like we will pray for him!!!
ducky45 20
Hope all goes well. It may not be as bad as it seems. The doctors have to discuss the complications because of the law.
hockeygoalie13 15
I mean you had to have that heart to heart conversation about the risks at some point..
OptimusVader 23
That really sucks...but your name is genius.
cheshirecat13242 32
Funny doc indeed
ThorPowaa 19
I hope your operation goes well OP!
DocBastard 40
It's like I always say, prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Then again, hope is not a very good diagnostic or therapeutic tool.
SmuggletheBudgie 15
Your arch nemesis doc. What's the plan of action?
blackonblight 33
I thought the placebo and related effects meant that hope WAS a useful therapeutic tool, just only if used with other more substantial medical treatment?
kamikrazy 6
I suggest a surgery-off. Whichever patient survives claims victory.
kurodansei 16
hmmm not the sort of stress tesk doctors are know to administer.
Han1156 23
Nice name good luck with it I'm sure you'll be fine